Parents: help me parenting while separated (2)

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I feel ashamed for the question I asked yesterday about if I should sit next to my STBXW or not during kids' events.
Am I nuts or what?
If she does not object, why not?
If I want to get my W back, why not to act in a more than friendly way?
Shouldn't this be my objective ( a quote from Zues sitch):

My DB coach told me there are 4 steps. 1) let the dust settle, 2) form a new relationship that's NOT a marriage but instead a good co-parenting partnership based on autonomy, good will, and respect, 3) romance, 4) reconciliation. Basically it's a win to get to step two. Not every divorced couple does. And if I do, there is no going to step 3 without a LOT of time spent rebuilding trust and showcasing changes that I MUST make. Of course, there are no guarantees that it will go beyond step 2. But if it did that is the road.

I am going through so much mixed feelings.
I am reading some literature and although it has only passed one day I am already feeling the results of the separation. I am pretty sure I will experience all of them:

Noncustodial parents have fewer responsibilities yet may face a variety of additional external stressors (e.g., missing their children, lack of control over decision making) that can decrease well-being.
Following our model, we propose that noncustodial parents are less likely to experience the advantages of parenthood (i.e., meaning in life, connectedness with their children, positive emotions, and enhanced social roles) and more likely to experience some factors that inhibit parents’ well-being (e.g., negative emotions).
These differences in themselves can explain the relatively low well-being of noncustodial parents.