H has started an affair 2

[Sotto]

I agree about the swift and sure boundary. I'm concerned about what happened Anna. Your H behaved abusively towards you. Has he ever been that way before? In a sexual or physical sense? What happened was an act of anger and control - those things are normally what non-consensual S is about.

I'm not sure about getting a 3rd party male involved though. If you feel able, you could let him know that what happened wasn't acceptable. That you don't want to ML to him when he is not 'in' the M and is focused on someone else. That you were unable to stop his advances and it was frightening. That you need to feel safe with him in order for things to remain as they are. Should you not feel safe with him again, you will take steps to ensure your safety.

Hope you're doing okay, and I do think it is important to recognise the severity of what happened and avoid any potential escalation. I worry that if your H is both angry and has a perceived loss of control, there could be further incidences of this.

Take care xx