The one thing I wonder about is I reclaimed the MB on Tuesday night. I wonder if she'll take the kids in there and sleep in there tonight. That will fill up the bed and not leave room for me. It wouldn't surprise me since I won't be home until late. Hmmmm......do I try to move the kids over and slip into bed anyway? Is that standing up for myself and enforcing the boundaries I set or am I being a jerk?
Considering how you have filled the subservient role to your W all those years, you are going to have to get past hang-ups of possibly being a jerk. (Not saying you should be one, but don't second guess yourself). The first time she accuses you, you'll back down and be back to walking on glass.
I don't agree with initiating hugs, or other physical affection, while your W is wayward. Btw, look that definition up, and you may realize she's been wayward a long, long time.
I am sorry about her childhood. I am also sorry you chose to handle her terrible teatment toward you, the way you did. Unfortunately, we see way too much of this in stories like yours. Taking the approach that you originally took, doesn't work. It just doesn't. And by now, you are beaten down, feel as though you "deserved" bad treatment b/c you of that one night. You will need a lot of support and determination to overcome that old mindset you've had about the role you should have as the H.
You will get plenty of support here. You may get conflicting advice from your Church friends, your IC, and the board. If you begin getting too confused, you may have to decide from which source to listen.
Please read the links Cadet gave you. They are important tools to use.
Stick with us, and post often.
Oh, and tell her that the kids will not be spending the night in the MBR. If she wants to sleep with them, she can do it elsewhere, but not in the same bed with you. Do not return to the other bedroom. If it's been allowed in the past, it's time for a new house rule........or a boundary. Read about boundaries.
Be a father who teaches his children about being a man.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
