I'm sure she felt confused, after hearing the lady relate her story. The immediate problem is that your W is addicted to the A. Deep down, she probably still loves you, but her wayward heart overrides the love. A wayward is all about "feelings". The A causes her to feel alive, special, younger, more beautiful, and a rush of excitement. The secretecy actually intensifies the excitement. Her feelings can confuse her and she can begin to think she must love this OM, b/c otherwise, she would not have these feelings. In the meantime, she compares it to how little she has felt being M to you. Her feelings tell her that she's never been happy since she M you! You have never made her feel what the OM makes her feel! It goes from there to getting worse.
When the A is still young, it is nearly impossible for anything or anyone to reach her brain. The H is usually the very last person on earth who can talk her into changing. A total stranger would have more influence with their words. Yet, so many newcomers refuse to give up and accept the fact she won't be persuaded with words. The LBH wants to talk, talk, and talk some more. She is not logical, and you cannot reason with her.
It is all about your actions and attitude. She will pay no heed to your talk, but she will watch your actions. Well, the same applies to her. Her actions, and especially her attitude, tells you more than her words ever could. Don't put stock in what she says, and believe very little of what you you see. In the end, it is her actions and attitude that is telling.
Don't be quick to reconnect with her. She may have times where she's emotional, crying, even saying she's sorry........but she doesn't stay away from contacting OM. She is addicted. It is her drug of choice, and it's powerful.
She has to work through most of this herself. In other words, you can't help her. Until she truly feels remorse, is repentant, and even humbled.........things will not progress toward a true reconciliation. Oh, you may start living together without her feeling these things......and/or without her doing the necessary work......but the relationship won't really improve until her heart is right. And,that's what waywardness is mostly about.........the heart/attitude. Resentment, disrespect, and rebellion are three areas that I believe are common in WW's. Resentment and disrespect can build for years......then rebellion strikes.
Stick to your guns. Do not pursue. That's vitally important. It seems to be the very opposite to what the LBH want to do, but it simply does not work on a WW.
She will twist everything. The WW wants to manipulate the LBH. Although you may not understand why, or you can't see it.........trust me, she will try. The WW will guilt the H, and make everything his fault. Don't listen to it. She will blame, cry you are trying to control, act like a witch.......and then turn and act all nicy nice. Don't trust her. The niceness means NOTHING! She will often take your emotional temperature to see how attached to her that you may be. We call it temp checks. She may suddenly try to be all sexy, or show up in the middle of the night crying and falling into your arms, or flirt with you...... Etc. Don't fall for it. Don't have sex with her! It means NOTHING! As soon as she's convinced she still has you, then she will return to the OM. Sometimes, the very next day.
It takes a long time for the WW to see OM's faults, experience consequences, face reality of life without you, etc. You can speed this along, considerably, If you will keep balanced, and follow the advice. It still takes more time than the LBH ever thinks it would, but your MR can be restored. It just won't work until her waywardness has left.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
