Yes, that is the list. Keep reading through the thread for more suggestions. I've gotten pretty good at these. It helps keep the conversation calm, as well as keeping it going. He'll keep talking and opening up more when he realizes you're really listening. Eye contact, body turned towards H. Takes just a bit of practice and focus, then it comes naturally. I noticed I'm doing this with everyone now!
Every time he opens his mouth except maybe if he is discussing logistics. Any complaint, whine, stupid comment, emotional expression, whatever. Just validate.
Every time he opens his mouth except maybe if he is discussing logistics. Any complaint, whine, stupid comment, emotional expression, whatever. Just validate.
Photo nailed it with her unique style! Example:
H: We have no choice but to split up. Overcom: I understand why you feel that way, but I feel very differently.
H: I can't do anything right. Overcom: What makes you say that? H: I mess up everything I do. Overcome: I understand why you may feel that way, but I can think of lots of things you've right.
I do a lot of understanding H's feelings, and will either redirect, or agree to disagree.
For me its more like H: "You have destroyed my life and my mom hates you too." Me: "wow, that is a lot to deal with , I can see why you are so angry with me."
or ...H "You have a jealousy problem, what difference does it make if this time it was an actual affair? You'd be jealous anyway. " Me: "That must be really difficult for you."
No I am not kidding. He said what difference does it make that it was real, the problem is my jealousy. And his examples of my jealousy? He had 2 examples. In 26 years of being together. He had 2 examples. Plus the affair, so 3. Wow, those 3 instances of jealousy in 26 years must have been torture for him. Poor guy.
Also put up a big argument because I said his affair went on for 5 months and he said it was 4, and the problem is that I have an exaggeration problem. Not kidding. The problem wasn't the affair, it was that I exaggerated the length of it. Because it started "in the middle of January, not the end, so I shouldn't round up when counting the months." A whole hour of MC spent on that one. He really proved his point, poor guy, I am so terrible to live with, with my jealousy and exaggeration.
I can not make this stuff up it is so crazy. What happened to my H? Who is this guy?
For GAL I have been lucky because I have a gay cousin(who has no kids) in town that is my same age and has always been one of my best friends. He immediately started intoducing me to people and asking me over like every weekend. Then his friends invite me over every sunday to play games. So I have met a lot of new friends to hang out with and talk about my problems with. And help me to forget my problems. One of them turned out to be an LMFT who lives like 5 houses away. What are the chances?
I have also started training for a half marathon. Hopefully my knee heals soon. I am only up to 6 miles.
I take the kids to the zoo, ride bikes, go to museums, movies, etc... Next weekend I will take them camping. I try to have at least one event planned when I have them on the weekend. I get them every other weekend and once a week for 4 hrs.
Last edited by WhyUs; 10/02/1503:11 AM.
Me: 30's W: 30's M: 12yrs EA: Started 3/2015 MC Started: 4/2015 She moved out and served 6/2015 PA: Confirmed 10/5/2015 2 young kids
"If you do not stand for something you will fall for anything."
