So h called or actually he text saying are you going to bring the kids to the restaurant and I was already going to get out of the house so I can go get D2's medicine she's had a fever for the past 4 days so I just dropped them off at the restaurant and I said I'll be back I'm going to go pick up the medicine from my moms house and he was like oh okay I got to the restaurant you know and I didn't even say hi I just said hi to everybody else and that was it. good!!
He kept looking at me to see if I'm going to look at him to see if I was going to be sad but I was laughing and smiling. How did I do?? nicely done.....so far....
Update: he came home and saw me reading the Bible and he looked sad and I said to him cry out your problems to our lord. hmmmm...I'm not a big fan of this conversation though. I don't think he wants you to preach to him. I'm not sure how this was said, but it sounds judgy and controlling.
We had a nice chat about finding God again and asking forgiveness and helping you with your problems. I said yes I'm hurting but he's helping me get through this. Without him I'd be contemplating suicide again. NOOOOOOOO...why are you telling him how much you are hurting? Don't give him that POWER and CONTROL over you. Even if it's true, don't TELL him that! You are a strong, confident, beautiful woman - and YOU did that.
I asked him what he ment by saying this is only papers... his answer was pray and you'll get your answer. What does that mean? it means the same thing we've been telling you! But when he says it, it means he wants to keep you around in case OW doesn't work out. "It's only papers. I'll always love you. But if this works out with OW, then tough luck!"
Anyway I kept my confidence high amd didn't cry or mop. I was in great spirits and even made him laugh. thats my opinion anyway. I think you need to stop showing him and telling him about how hurt you are. I think you need to pullback farther and really start to build your confidence.
