Finally asking for help: 2

[Solo15]

Question:

What is the difference between cake-eating and progress?

In my situation, it seems like my W is watching to see if our R can improve due to changes we have both made. She even basically said as much. That there is in her mind the possibility of something romantic if she can see change. I know that my W values me greatly. People here keep saying that time is a gift. If I distance myself from the opportunities to spend time with her, have a friendship etc, then what am I doing to DB? It seems like I would just be letting it go. There are times where I see flickers of romantic interest in her.

I do have boundaries. I won't be physical with her beyond a goodbye hug. The only thing that will make that happen is if a slow-cook romantic R starts back up, and is backed with a declaration of intent. She is able to be physical with me and then have it shut off the next day. I have told her that I won't really be available to do husband stuff and that she's basically on her own beyond my financial support.

She is not to my knowledge in an active EA/PA, that seems to have burned out, but I know she's still going to have feelings for him for some time. So I'm trying to continue to work on me, find love for myself, get my confidence back, and then see what happens. Her and I have so much good stuff there. If she starts drifting or mistreating me, then I will take that as a sign to go full NC.

Does that sound sane?