WAS or what (2)

[roist]

Thanks Z,

I am not dwelling on the recomitment. I am closer to accepting the opposite.

Yes there is pain behind these words. I hope you did not take my reply harshly. I was not justifying just explaining my thinking.

Thank you for the tip.I may try it as I am at a place where I may be cone reckless with my emotions.Reckless as in I may just let them out regardless of consequences.

Firstly I am considering telling W and possibly friend that they are too close and: inappropriate. Compared to other situations their behaviour is less suspicious but still... I would like to truth dart this but not sure how.honestly they could be just friends but they are too close for comfort.advice sought.

I am also close to her parents and am sure they will not be happy if we split or if they knew our situation.I am tempted to open up to her dad, but I know I can't. Even if this goes worse, that will never be a good idea. I know not to do that.

I guess I am at a place where I will continue my 180's and other stuff started during this saga. But no longer expecting or hoping it will help. I am not done but I think my best course of action is to move forward. I hope to truly do that and manage to get to where I need to be regardless. I need better social network, I need better financial situation,i need to have fun and to be fun. And most important I need to be the best dad possible.All these things will be needed either way.

I want to keep being the lighthouse but I want w to see me move ng forward. Yes I hope it will help her come back but this is not the reason. I simply need to get to a better place. I deserve it. I am taking small steps towards this and it is nit easy. But going backwards is not an option.

There is a lot more but no point writing everything here.

I am not sure I am as strong as some of ye say. But I am still standing and moving forward....or at least trying to.