Roiste, there is pain Herr that I get from your words. I understand. You do not need to justify your actions for gifts or anything else to anyone but yourself.
I think a recommitment ceremony is not a chance right now, that is sad, but it is a reality right now so please do not dwell on it as it is only taking energy away from your well being.
Something I have some that has helped me cope with the anger and resentment and disappointment in all of this is to write a letter to your wife of how you fwel, express your angry thoughts and all of your hurt. This will get printed out, put in an envelope and burned. She need not see it, it will not change her right now. But what it will do is help get sine if the absolute frustration out of your head. It will allow you to feel these feeling and actually express them in print. None else needs rk read this. The letters need to be destroyed as someone finding them could be bad right now...if you get my drift.
Time is always short, as long as you MAKE time for you, things will get better.
