Hey Lost! Tis I, Judy. Thought it best to change my screen name. Wish I'd thought of that at the beginning, but I tend to be way too trusting. Need to develop some street smarts!
Checking in on you. I wasn't being kind - those qualities really come through in your posts. You really are terrific. It's just so hard to see it for yourself after our kind of rejection.
They talked about the importance of making your bed every day to start the day. It's like a ritual. I shared with the group that I have not made my bed since bomb drop - a year ago. That is like a metaphore of the chaos going on inside my head for the past year.
Today, I made my bed, and yes, it felt good and gave me a sense of accomplishment. Yes, it was small, but it has added to the pile of things that I can control and feel good about doing.
Anyone not doing any 12 step program, I highly encourage it. It's free and there ae meetings daily and you can attend as many as you want. It is not relevant to the "probleM' alcoho, drugs, sex addition, etc... it's about how YOU deal with it and how to control YOUR emotion around it. I learned to take the higher view - helicopter view. That allows me to step away "the problem" and view it from above, DETACHED. This is also known as giving the situation to God.
Hi, HeavyD I, too, have been making my bed. I have not been able to become detached. I thought I was giving this up to God, but, truth be told, I've been fooling myself. I probably haven't given it completely to God.
M 43 H 48 M 19y T 20y D 14 S 12 H returned home from out of country 8/8/15 BD 8/11/15 EA Began end of June/beginning of July 2015; ongoing PA H denies ILYBINILWY
What would the ideal Lost look like? Please describe her..
Oh, if I only knew... Can I get back to you on that?
M 43 H 48 M 19y T 20y D 14 S 12 H returned home from out of country 8/8/15 BD 8/11/15 EA Began end of June/beginning of July 2015; ongoing PA H denies ILYBINILWY
Hey Lost! Tis I, Judy. Thought it best to change my screen name. Wish I'd thought of that at the beginning, but I tend to be way too trusting. Need to develop some street smarts!
Checking in on you. I wasn't being kind - those qualities really come through in your posts. You really are terrific. It's just so hard to see it for yourself after our kind of rejection.
Good idea! Funny how we keep running into one another. You're like a sister from a far away place. I'm not doing so hot tonight. But thanks for checking. How're you? You're sounding stronger in your posts.
M 43 H 48 M 19y T 20y D 14 S 12 H returned home from out of country 8/8/15 BD 8/11/15 EA Began end of June/beginning of July 2015; ongoing PA H denies ILYBINILWY
Now is the time where you can mold yourself into the person you want to be. If you don't like who you've become, it's time to forge yourself into a new you. Step by step, let's do it.
Your last words, "let's do it" draw me in. I want so badly for someone to hold my hold thru this journey, but I know I must walk it alone. I am so grateful for your support and truly look forward to your direction and advice. Perhaps one day I'll be able to do the same for someone else. I am so sad tonight. Can't wait for this day to end. If only the kids would finish their homework and just go to bed.
I hope you are doing well. You're so strong. I'll try to catch up on your thread soon..
M 43 H 48 M 19y T 20y D 14 S 12 H returned home from out of country 8/8/15 BD 8/11/15 EA Began end of June/beginning of July 2015; ongoing PA H denies ILYBINILWY
Lost, I'm willing to walk this journey with you. That is why we're here. We are stronger together, helping one another.
I amgetting stronger. I'm sleeping again. I am peaceful. Without the help I found on this forum, I would be a puddle. I'm not happy about what led me here...but I am thrilled with the result.
Now is the time where you can mold yourself into the person you want to be. If you don't like who you've become, it's time to forge yourself into a new you. Step by step, let's do it.
Your last words, "let's do it" draw me in. I want so badly for someone to hold my hold thru this journey, but I know I must walk it alone.
No. You're not alone. You have your wonderful children to act as your carrot to keep you going. And we're all here to give you a push or a nudge to keep you on the right path.
Originally Posted By: Lost08
I am so grateful for your support and truly look forward to your direction and advice. Perhaps one day I'll be able to do the same for someone else.
No problem, Lost. You are strong enough to get through this. You are valuable enough to do this for yourself. You WILL come through the other side a new woman.
But it won't happen by itself. So, are you ready to take that first step?]
No problem, Lost. You are strong enough to get through this. You are valuable enough to do this for yourself. You WILL come through the other side a new woman.
But it won't happen by itself. So, are you ready to take that first step?]
This I struggle with - valuable enough? I don't believe that. Not yet anyway. Very emotional session with IC today and this was actually touched upon. I have trouble seeing any value in me especially after BD and interactions with my family. IC pointed it out and affirmed? that there is value in my "world" - my decisions, thoughts, feelings, etc. Just hearing her say that out loud drove me to sob as I don't feel valuable at all.
I'm looking for that first step. But hurricane prep comes first tonight!
M 43 H 48 M 19y T 20y D 14 S 12 H returned home from out of country 8/8/15 BD 8/11/15 EA Began end of June/beginning of July 2015; ongoing PA H denies ILYBINILWY
Not feeling valuable is one issue that DB addresses quite effectively! Your self-esteem builds as you meet goals, learn new things, and survive yet another day. As you begin building more confidence, you're able to look at yourself and say, "Hey! I am a person of worth! H has lost his mind putting me in 2nd place. I will not allow myself to be in this position again. I'm worth more, and I deserve more."
Keep putting one foot in front of the other and move forward, never backward. The past is done. Do not let yourself get stuck there. There's nothing there for you. The present and future are where you have the ability to affect positive changes.
It's so very hard to move forward with a broken heart, but look at you! You're doing it! Keep setting small goals that you can reach. Build your confidence. You will get stronger and stronger.
I had a thought about your H that wasn't very nice, honestly. I believe the reason he is attempting to manipulate you, even through a computer, is to make sure you stay right where he left you. What if things don't work out with OW? Well then, he's got you, doesn't he? Are you willing to be his back-up plan?
Most of us LBS, if we were honest with ourselves, would probably say, "yes!" How sad for us. Seriously. If we place so little value on ourselves, is it any surprise our WS do the same?
You are in a tough spot, but you're doing it. Be patient with yourself as you go forward. You will get stronger. The day will come when you realize you are worth far more than some poor broken OW who has no problem helping herself to another's H. Would YOU do that? My guess is "never"! Realize you are already worth far more than you realize. You have standards, morals, and a great personal code. You are already worth more than she. Realize that, embrace that reality, and build from there.
In the meantime, we will be here to help. I think my fellow DB'ers are pretty awesome people. We are all so blessed to have such great support.
No problem, Lost. You are strong enough to get through this. You are valuable enough to do this for yourself. You WILL come through the other side a new woman.
But it won't happen by itself. So, are you ready to take that first step?]
This I struggle with - valuable enough? I don't believe that. Not yet anyway. You'll get there. Your happiness has to come from within. And it will. It will take time, but it isnt going to happen by itself. Take responsibility and accountability for it! Thats the point of setting the goals, making the lists, etc. To set yourself a roadmap to what you want, and then to hold yourself accountable to it!
Very emotional session with IC today and this was actually touched upon. I have trouble seeing any value in me especially after BD and interactions with my family. IC pointed it out and affirmed? that there is value in my "world" - my decisions, thoughts, feelings, etc. Just hearing her say that out loud drove me to sob as I don't feel valuable at all. Thats the best part about feelings. They are temporary. Show yourself your self worth, and you will start to feel differently.
I'm looking for that first step. But hurricane prep comes first tonight! Be safe, Lost!!!
