I want to write more later,.but right now just give you a big hug.
Oh,and to the voice in your head telling you that you are unlovable or not needed by your kids, or that they will only love "fun" dad... I know that voice because I've heard it in my own head. But in the nicest possible way I'd like to smack that voice and tell it to shut the F up because it is not a truth teller.