I am in the mode for a lil ranting and raving today. September is gone and I made it the whole month without any contact with the wife (including her birthday!). I know the NC makes me feel better and that is all that matters. This is so such a weird place though! Hard to look back and imagine where I am at now. Luckily, I have had no urges, probably because of my past experiences, I know the deal.
I feel like when she finally does contact me, it will only be about proceeding with divorce. I know that she divorced me the day of the big D and it is not something I should be afraid of, but I am not looking forward to that conversation.
I wonder what she is thinking from time to time even though I know it doesn't matter. Can't help it, human nature. I don't obsess over it though. I wonder if she is miserable, having the time of her life or something in between. I have absolutely no idea. I don't even know where she lives, I know it's not around here. That is weird too... her family are all within a mile of our house, all her friends are here. It really is like she is a whole new person.
Like other threads I have been reading, the question of dating keeps coming to the front of my mind. She is really the only one I have ever dated, she has dated multiple guys. I had chances, I was just infatuated with her. Now I see chances and I am kind of thinking that I want to take that chance. It would be nice to have someone be affectionate back to me. I don't know what she was more affectionate, I just know that I really liked it when she was. I am concerned about hurting someone else which will keep this at bay for a bit. Anyway, gotta keep on keeping on.
