You know how I feel about you, Luke. You also know I am going to keep it real, yea?
I am thinking this. You are looking at each action, each word from your wife to define your relationship. That's not how life works. Sometimes she is going to want to do something. It may not be what you wanted her to choose, but, you aren't her, right?
What you think being all in should look like may not be what she thinks it looks like. And yea, she is finding herself. She is trying to figure out who she is aside from a wife and a mother. That's normal stuff.
All you can do is what you think you need to do regarding yourself. You cant have expectations of what she should do. It isn't any one word or actions that sets the tone here. It will be a cumulative and collective kind of a thing that will lead to a restored marriage.
There will be fits and starts, valleys and hills. That's life.
As you go on, you will fine tune those things that are important to both of you and eventually find a rhythm. That happens through give and take over time. Til then, keep walking forward. Allow her space to figure herself out. Continue to work on you. Enjoy the moments and embrace the possibilities.
