Ok I have a problem. Every time I have to see Ex I instantly become short toned can not make eye contact with him and lose all PMA.
That is because of uncertainty. The situation you are in is unfamiliar. You are out of your comfort zone. Here is a trick I use, instead of looking into his eyes, gaze at the spot between the eyebrows. It gives the impression you are looking at him but without the gaze. It is less intense. Also you can hum or sing to yourself, pick a happy tune.
Its almost like I just want him to get away from me.
That is exactly what you feel and of course, it's because you have been hurt. If he was a cat that scratched you, you would be wary. It is your instincts protecting you. Heed it, listen to that judgement. Space
I do not want to feel this way.
Maybe, but you do. It's important that you do.
I want to PMA be able to have light conversation and be up beat. Why does his presence make me feel this way?
This is probably a combination of fear and disgust, fear of being abandoned again. Disgust in that this man has behaved in a way that repels you. It should repel you and make you wary. Warning bells.
What are some ways I can change this behavior?
This isn't in my opinion a behaviour, it's a feeling or combination of feelings. They are basic and arise from your subconscious. You have no conscious control over it. Like Riley from Inside Out, they are central feelings. They tell you something important, when they arise they are saying protect yourself.
I am worried this will even put a wedge between continuing a friendship?
Friendship is a choice, this is a combination of feeling and action, creating a secondary state of friendship. It need not be an all or nothing experience, we can have friends of different types, we can have besties who we entrust with our inner thoughts and feelings. We can have going out friends, sharing hobby friends. This is co parenting friend. You can learn that trust and love can be mutually exclusive, you can trust someone and not love them, you can love someone and not trust them. The same with friendship, some you love, some you trust and others you love and trust. It's ok.
Other things I have questions about is how do I handle this situation.
I think you are doing fine. Observing and listening to your fears and doubts. It's healthy when your boundaries have been infringed.
Currently I am not handling anything.
This is what some would call stinking thinking, all or nothing thinking. To reframe this I would like you to list at least 10 things you are handling. Big hint: look to your goal achievement.
I am answering his texts allowing him to watch D8 every chance he can etc.
So he should!!!
I feel these actions are only again helping him maintain what he is doing. To him there is no fighting he does not have to see me or answer me if he does not want to.
Yes, and..............
He can text me and demand I call him or text him back but it is ok for him to ignore me if OW is around or he does not want to answer.
Yes, and..............
I also feel allowing him to have my daughter frequently is only making him feel like everything is fine.
You say 'my' daughter, explain why she is 'yours'......
I would like him to be actively involved with her as I also want to continue being involved with his kids but I do not want to make this all seem ok for him and for him to think it will all be fine.
None of this makes sense to me, you say 'his' kids. How does being a parent make things fine??
I would like him to see what he will be missing and to think about his choices.
You have no control over this.
I spend many days/hours thinking about my choices. My choice to leave, to not seek help earlier, to stay ect. I guess I need guidance on what to do next. I left now what?
Actually keep on doing the things you are doing, GAL, living your own life, being the best mom you can. Growing and learning, developing yourself as the best you can be. Let it unfold. You are ok, you and your child are having the best R.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
