People talk about partners turning arround after two or three years could we cohabit for this length of time
I want to clarify something I said, b/c going back today, I see I should have stated it better.
Quote:
To be perfectly honest, I do not know of a case where the couples continued to live under the same roof were able to have a true reconciliation in their MR. It seems almost necessary to have that physical distance, and push the WS out of the nest to fly on their own.......and no further help from the LBS.
What my mind was saying, and you all couldn't hear...... ....is that I can't remember a case about a couple staying together under the same roof where the WW did not change and the LBH continued to endure her treatment of him. By true reconciliation in the MR, I was referring to becoming the couple who both worked toward a healthy, successful MR.
There have been couples who were able to reconcile while under the same roof. My own story is proof. Starsky's story is another. (He was known as Puppy Dog Tails, back then.) I think Starsky may have separated for a little while, but not positive on that memory point.
IMO, changing the dynamics has to come. If you remain in the same house with a wayward spouse, things will not truly reconcile until the dynamics change.
Let me add this, too, most of the newcomer LBH's are just thinking about getting the W back in the MR. What some fail to see is that getting her back is just the first step. Piecing is hard as hell! It does not mean that things have been fixed. The LBH will discover he has issues popping up that he never thought he would have. He has been so focused on just saving the MR, that he hasn't really dealt with his resentment, unforgiveness, and the lasting damage that was done to the kids and family relationships. Some LBH's become the WAH, once in Piecing. Many couples have gone into Piecing that could not make it through. From what I have observed, in a lot of cases, it's b/c the LBS is too eager to let the WS come back. And, if the couple is already under the same roof......then I believe it's even harder.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
....is that I can't remember a case about a couple staying together under the same roof 