Hey Rocky, welcome to the community. Sorry for the reason you are here.
In-house separation is extremely hard on the LBH. Since there are no children, you might want to check on legal advice about leaving the house. I believe as long as a WW gets to live in her home and loses nothing, she has the benefit of married life, without a "disadvantage". She continues to live like a single woman, and enjoy all her treasures at home.
BTW, is she working, or do you fully support her? If you are paying for everything, then you need to change this immediately. She needs to support herself. If she doesn't want you for a H, why should you support her financially?
Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying to set out to be mean and hateful, and try to punish her. As a WW, she has to face consequences due to her choices. As long as she continues doing what she's doing......and you continue doing what you're doing, what consequences do you see her having?
Stop enabling her to have an affair. If you are paying for her phone, stop. If you buy her gas to go see OM, stop. Again, it's not to be punitive. When I first came here as a WW, I would see this suggested by a few on the board and get really upset about it. I saw it as punitive. After I changed from my waywardness, I understood that as long as the LBH supplied the resources, she'll use it to cheat. My H threatened to throw our computer out the back door. I knew he meant it! And, that was my main source in communicating with my OM.
Never, ever, tell your WW your source of intell. If she knows, then she will figure out how to hide the A, better. Even though she's admitted to texting him, most WW's want to keep it a secret until they know for certain there is a future with OM.
I hope you'll check the link on Cadet's post about the help for the newcomer LBH who has a WW. If you have, then I'll try not to repeat a lot of what I've already said in those threads.
I will try to help you, if I can, by mostly giving you some insight from the viewpoint of a WW.
The link on detaching and boundaries are very important. Well, they all are important, but be sure you study these two.
I hope you'll stick with us and post often. Take very good care of yourself. You can continue to stay out and GAL, but do it in a healthy way.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
