Since I cannot really post via computer at work, I read on my phone … compose an email .. send it to myself and paste it here … as with anything the rats will find a way to get the cheese.
I completely agree that a married couple needs individual .. GALs .. if you will, infact it was one of the things I thought about as we began piecing. Maybe if I lay out our week it might make sense a bit, along with the fact I may have failed to mention at no time am I thinking she is off with OM, nor a possible OM2 …. I do think like job said she is really trying to figure out what this new skin looks like on her, and to add to that its like she has a few to choose from (I’ll explain) So…. Mon/Tues are open … but school nights so its work come home, cook, help S stay on his homework and hopefully get some family time in. Wednesday W has massage therapy and does not get home till 7-7:30, Thursday night I have softball, Friday nights I work and W and S have ‘Zombie’ Nights which I think is pretty cool and a way she is rebuilding the R with S. So that leads us to the weekends. To be honest over the past 3 weeks sense we came back I was comfortable with her busy Saturdays. Since the Redwoods trip she is inspired to start her business….This has been 10 years of her talking about doing it, she typically will spend a good deal of cash on gear, software, and lenses (As of last night she just bought a new Mac) … hit it hard for 3-4 months then seems to lose steam regardless of my encouragement. She has a talent but she is intimidated …. For a bit during the past year she was taking classes … again .. I support all this. On top of that she is feeling better and wants to start hitting the gym again, which I have no issues with. Then toss in the PGA for the school which as of late has her tied up on Monday Nights. Which leaves us Saturdays/Sundays, that past Saturday was the ‘test’ that morning, oil change, lunch with a friend downtown … again I was still good up until those walks I suggested we take as S practices from 5-6:30 on Saturdays she opted out of to go get gas and return a few things she bought. That was the “Ok wait a minute how are we going to work on this with all that you are taking on” moment.
So all ^^^ That being said. I was reading, I smh at the fact I think over the past 3 years I have read more than I have in 15 years combined. Anyways I came across some things that made me take a step back and look at my sitch. W as job and others have pointed out … she is figuring herself out, I had the … I refuse to call it a luxury… lets go with the opportunity to fully put some serious time in on myself. W is taxed with trying to work on herself and at the same time fix a marriage that this crisis all but destroyed …. I picture the old school Johnny Carson show when they would have a circus performer spinning all those plates on the sticks. So I have to be the one to remind myself to just hang back … when she comes around to spin the marriage plate accept it … give her time to figure out which plates need spinning, which ones are important .. and which ones she can go ahead and let crash. I realized with this … that “Fixer” in me is trying to do to much … W has to fix this, it needs to come from her, if I do all the work here it will not be the type of M that is stronger … 50-50 is the goal, again it goes back a bit to that push-pull dance.
The second issue with this whole reconciliation bit … was an article I read concerning my expectations. I think we all have this idea of what a M will look like, for me its not perfect but there are some ‘options’ I really want the dealer to stick on that car. The article used an image of a puzzle, with a picture of a landscape on it … and how one would look for the edges and corner pieces to start working on it (the M) and piecing it all back together. Again … that image is the guide … then the curve ball .. that’s OUR image, what if the box in fact contained the puzzle-picture of something else? It hit me … this puzzle I thought I was putting together has my image of the M .. the one I want … but in fact this M puzzle is Gods image of my M, I have no idea what its going to look like nor can I force these pieces in a place where I think they should fit … so I am using this to get myself to relax and just allow the pieces to unfold as the will and fit where they fit.
