WAS or what (2)

[roist]

Small update, just to keep posting.

I think I am starting to drop the rope. Is it because I am in a better place or that I am just accepting what is. Idk. Our latest holiday was a turning point for me. I would rather not go on holidays as a family and feel that way. She was with her kids I was with mine. That s#@ked but I guess as it wAs OK for our sons.

Since then we were supposed to go to a wedding together next month. Due to financial reasons she backed out. Now to be honest I probably can't afford to go alone either, but I NEED to go. I have booked the flights and have lined up loads of people to see. I am glad to be going alone. It will be fun.

Speaking of finances I am really trying at work so that is good. I am not as focused as I need to be but am working on it. I am considering all my options and will choose financial stabilty first. I want to be in a position where I can get a loan if I need one. This is important if things don't turn around but beneficial either way. But I guess I just want to be financially better if we do split.

I am trying to GAL, really get a life. I have become closer to a group if guys locally. I didn't pursue this before because this group doesn't like my W's inappropriate friend and I didn't want to stir up more problems.Now I choose to socialize and do sport with them. This is for me. To hell if that goes down wrong. That being said I want to get new friends outside of local ones.

I am doing OK with most of my goals but will post that later.

I am finding I want to spend less time with my W. I am getting out mote. I amnotbeing cold or distant and am not avoiding her but I am starting to value myself more. She seems further from me at times but has shared mire stuff with me. I probably am hoping she will realise that she us losing me, but that is not my driving motivation.I really want to get a life.

I am breaking one DB principal and that is just before turning by over to sleep at night. I lay with my arm across her and while reading keg is usually wrapped over hers. For me it is not pursuit as I don't expect it to endear me to her. In fact i accept it may push her away. I still do this for sale verbal reasons.1 primarily because it helps me sleep. 2 if it bugs her she can drop her bomb instead of signing out without telling me. 3. I reckon this situation could go on for a long time so I'll make the most of it.

Not on purpose but due to flight prices I leave for the wedding on our anniversary. Funny coincidence I found. Anyway this year I am of twomnds about getting her anything. Any thoughts? Maybe it us a good opportunity to show I am moving forward. Please advise your opinions n's based on my situation.

Also during my trip, I will hit the year anniversary of fighting for my M. A year ago I asked for a sign that she wants to be with me. Apart from still being here I am still waiting. Though I think I am no longer waiting.

Got to go

Thanks for listening