Parents: help me parenting while separated (2)

[Ripe]

Mr Bond, thank you for passing by. I really appreciate it.

Just a few things I've noticed about your recent sitch.

"Then the best part came, when STBXW told: "When I married you I thought it would be forever, but people change."
This made me sick but I was able to control myself."

So you felt disgusted by her saying this. Why? She's right after all. Just because it's a change that YOU don't want, doesn't make her thinking wrong.

MrBond, my reaction of disgust has to do with the way I understand the marriage vows: "for worse, in sickness". This is a disclaimer that for sure things will get tough. But also that we are committing to remain true through that.
As someone else in this board has said:
"If the vows are just words then it becomes a matter of when we feel like leaving. To me that's not a marriage. That's a ride in the sunshine until it inevitably starts to rain.
I maintain that anyone that adds a "but" to the statement "I don't believe in divorce..." truly DOES believe in divorce. I do not."
And another poster:
"I'm sure this doesn't matter, but the thing that gets to me about all these WAS is the commitment issue!! When I stood in front of God, justice of the peace and friends and family, I said " till death do us part". NOT "till I am unhappy in my marriage" or " till you don't make me happy anymore" or " till I lose my attraction to you". And so did my wife."
(I am a sucker for quoting others that express my exact feelings, since I am not a native speaker.)
So, when my W married all in white and pronounced those words the same way as I did, she was giving herself perpetually to me. For sure people change, but you have to be brave enough to face your fears, your suffering, your anguish. And you do not quit just because you changed.
MrBond, I will now thank you again, this time not because you took some of your precious time to read my sitch but because I had to think on what you said. I will now place myself in my W's shoes.
I just wrote that one does not quit just because he or her has changed.
But how much suffering is one supposed to endure?
My W and I suffered in silence for many, many years. My W needed someone to talk to and I avoided talking to her. I lived in a sexless marriage that reached a level of physical pain. We were not present for each other when we most needed to. I miserably failed her. The suffering I imposed on her was beyond bearable limits, beyond limits that suffocated her to a slow death.
Of course one wants to escape from this: marriage is supposed to be light and life, not darkness and death of your soul.
Having written this, I now think that I was only blaming my wife for not giving me a second change, now that I have changed, now that I think I am able to give her what she needs. I truly understand now her motives, I just which I had a second chance.
I feel disappointed from the breaking of the vows, but I honestly can't blame her.