I did meet most of my goals. 1. I did not meet will explain in next post. 2. I DID give her two hugs 3. I did give her two compliments (good job helping your sister with her homework, and thank you for playing with your sister today) 4. I was not short with her let her play and be wild with her sisters 5. I went for a 20 minute walk (I smoked a cigarette and talked on the phone so not to much elevation of the heart) but it was 20 minutes of movement I do not usually do! 6. I did complete an Activity in CD workbook 7. I did not play a game with her I will explain 8. I was up beat light conversation and will also give details about this.
Ok so my night did not play out as I expected it to. I was supposed to take D8 to dance tonight but realized half hour before I was to take her I forgot to grab her stuff my fault completely. So I went to Ex's all day then picked up D7 and D8 after school. went back to his house showered and put on jeans and a tee shirt. (I was still in my pajamas when I took D4 to his lunch break so figured I better clean up a little) Did not look my best best but at least it wasnt pajamas which I had gotten very bad about wearing sweatpants and pj's on my days off. Anyways took girls to park I bet he was home 2 minutes before he called wanting to know where we were. I answered chippery asked how his day at work was he simply said fine. I said we are at the park he is more than welcome to join us otherwise I will be dropping them off in about 15 minutes. He told me he had some $hit he could do while we were gone so he would see us later. I said ok well have a great afternoon we will see you in about 15 mins. Got to the house this is when I realized I did not have her stuff. He had washed my laundry from last week (his washer broke and my clothes were mixed in the dirty laundry pile) so I sorted them out my clothes and his clothes and also made a pile of stuff I had ontop of D4's dresser that was to small. Asked him to come to the bedroom so I could show him what piles where what. I made a mistake and asked for a hug. Thankfully he said no I did get a little defensive but let it go. What was I thinking? D7 said she had a soccer game. So D8 and I decided we would go to her game. I asked him if he wanted to take seperate vehicles or ride together. He said together was fine. We went to the game he did not barely speak to me at all so I talked with D7's mom. We got back to his house he shut the car off and asked if I was leaving or staying. I asked what he was making and in a joking way he said It is none of your business if you stay you will see. I agreed to stay for dinner. He made BLT's and I washed the dishes up. I made a comment about him dirtying up so many dishes and he said jokingly what does it matter I do the dishes. I said jokingly thats not true I just did them. HE laughs and says right back into old habits huh you do them once out of 14 days...He did do the dishes a lot I hate that job! It was nice to laugh with him a little. It was weird/nice to have him ask if I was staying for dinner. Don't worry the entire time I reminded myself no expectations. I am sure it did not mean a thing except I was there and he was getting ready to make dinner. It does not mean progress it means nothing really. In fact I am glad I can finally look at it that way because in the beginning I would have thought for sure it was progress. I have decided today at least that progress can not even be made until OW is gone for good. I am stopping this cheating cycle now. I will no longer participate. I will no longer let him control my emotions. I can control them myself. It was nice to hang out as friends and laugh and talk nothing serious. Hopefully we can stay on this path and at least rebuild our friendship. I even asked him to watch D8 for 20 minutes so I could go on my walk. I then called a friend talked about what happened tonight and also told them I have no expectations. It was nice for him to ask and it was a nice time but I already know it means nothing. I have also committed to making the choice next time he asks to tell him I am busy or already have plans. I can not say yes every time he asks. I will also not let this mess with my not texting calling because it will turn into a "game" or roller coaster. Staying on the wagon No need to text or call him tomorrow. The girls get out of school early I already talked to him about picking them up when I get off work and when I would be dropping them off. So unless he text me about something no need to talk. I will drop them off without going in tomorrow and just leave. Can not allow myself to fall off the wagon I have worked hard. I did not make dinner or play a game with D8 tonight because Ex made dinner and she was way to occupied playing with her sisters. She misses them so much. I did not want to take her time away from them. I did also make the girls plates tonight while he cooked. Am I doing to much? is there something in this sitch today I could have done differently? I accomplished most of my goals so I am pretty happy!
