Tinydoc's first post, 5 months in.

[TDball]

Thank you so much for all of that. It is hard to hear, but I know it's true. and i know that underneath his anger is so much pain.

I know I neglected him, and I was selfish about my needs. I feel really sad about that. He told me early on that he needs lots of praise, so I did make an effort throughout our relationship to praise him for many things. He did a lot for me, but I feel sad I didnt make him feel loved or appreciated enough. I wish I could give him so many hugs right now.


I didn't mention this in my first post, but I was also supporting him financially for the majority of our relationship. We moved in together 9 months after we started dating, and he was fired the following month. After that he spent a few months on the couch due to depression, and then had some unsuccessful career attempts after that. We were never able to have a real discussion about this (although I think I tried), and I just kept paying the rent for both of us, for over a year. By the time we got engaged he owed me 10,000 (we live in NYC), which his parents paid back so that we could start off our marriage on equal footing.

it wasn't until the last year that he started to find his way, career wise. Even now, he can just about cover his expenses. And he now tells me that he would have left me a long time ago if he could have afforded it, and I can see how he felt trapped. On the other hand, the fact that I was in residency and we were guaranteed some degree of financial security is what allowed him the freedom to find a career that works for him,

I know his emotional needs weren't being met, I take responsibility for that.

I do have a hard time understanding how one's emotions can be so worn down that there's no hope for recovery. I know this is what happens all the time in dying marriages, but I have never experienced it from his perspective. so I just can't wrap my head around the fact that he doesn't love me anymore. Even now, after writing all of this, I want to call him and apologize and tell him how much I love him and want this to work. That if only we could go to marriage counseling, we could get through this. But I've learned from. experience that it's now futile, and he is done.