Tinydoc's first post, 5 months in.

[TDball]

Did your H ever say what his issues were? In many ways, I could have been the one to have an A and walk out on my H. For the last 10 years my emotional needs have not been met, even when I specified what I needed. But I didn't because I thought the villian was his school and that was never an option for me. My H was always gone at school or field work. When he was home, we didn't focus on us. It was always what project needed to be done op around the house. Building a deck or other large manual labor job does not necessarily bring out the best in you when you are already starting to disconnect.

Also, I can see if your H was underemployed and having a W getting her medical degree might cause him to question his worth if he was already insecure in some way. Obviously, there is something going on underneath it all for him to deal with things the way he did. Just curious if he has given you anything to work with as far as changes you need to work on for you.

Hi BT, thank you for stopping by.
He did say, he had quite a few issues. The first one was that I yelled at him. And I did. I would get angry when I came home from a really long day, or a 24 hour call, and the house was messier than when I left yesterday morning. Or knowing I worked 14 hours a day, and he worked 5, and I still had to do so many chores. So I got angry. I hated yelling at him, but I did. On the other hand, I knew what would set me off, and I would beg him to not let me come home from a 24 hour call to a sink full of dishes.

Looking back this makes me so sad. I know yelling made him feel unloved. And in retrospect, yelling about dishes sounds so silly, but it really made me feel awful. I wondefed how someone could love me and still want me to spend my 1 hour of free time a day doing the chores, when he had so many more hours of free time during the day. I conveyed this to him many times, calmly, and it didn't change. I know I should have just accepted that I married someone who didn't like doing chores.

My mom also yelled a lot, it resolved when she went on antidepressants, which I've done. It has helped some, but it's too late.

He says I never wanted to go out with his friends. I really regret not going out more, but I was always so physically and emotionally drained. Now I'm in my last year, and only work one weekend every 6 weeks, and don't take weekday call. So the obstacle has been lifted already.

There are more issues, but I need to take a break from typing them, because this makes me really sad. I miss him so much.

One thing that kills me is that we we were together through the worst of my training, and we were just about to get to the good part, where I have more time and we have more money. I took our relationship for granted because I felt my training was just a temporary obstacle. I did t realize that we wouldn't make it to the other side.

Also, I really fail at divorce busting. I think I'm too angry at him, I have so much trouble controlling my responses to him. And yesterday he said "sorry our relationship didn't work out", which was just so cold. Isn't that something you say to someone before you exchange vows?