"At what point do you give up?"

That's up to you. Did you ever read the DB and DR books? What were the things that caused your M to spiral out of control? Be honest. I know it's hard to not concentrate on the OM, but you have to change the dynamic.

M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER