rH, I do understand what you are saying about he's different. Some do return w/behaviors/quirks from their time in crisis. Whether they are good or bad will depend upon how you look at them. Are they deal breakers? Can you learn to live w/them? Do you feel uncomfortable w/the new him? If you find that you can't accept him for who he is now, you may have to make some decisions down the road. However, I think it is still a bit early to toss in the towel on him.
Having a MLCer return home, even if they return a bit early, it's difficult to readjust because you are expecting them to jump right back into the old relationship and pick up right where you left off. Both of you have changed quite a bit and now you both have come back together and it's difficult because both of you have to complete the healing process. Expectations from the lbs run high, disappointments come into play because the expectations aren't being met. We want them to be the way they were pre-crisis and that is not always the case. Some come out new and improved, others are strangers to us until they settle down and then...there are those who never return. He's still got a ways to go before he completes the "acceptance stage". He's saying the right things, but some of his actions say he's still wanting to play in the crisis pool for a bit longer. rH, keep the expectations dialed down to zero. Okay? Once the "acceptance stage" has been completed, there is one more stage and that stage is him settling into his own skin. This could take anywhere from 18-24 months.
I'm glad you are seeing an IC and hopefully he can help you work through your healing process. Take all of the time and space that you need to heal. Don't allow anyone to rush your progress. Okay?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
