Finally asking for help: 2

[Solo15]

Thanks guys. This is impossibly hard. I honestly don't know how much more of this I can take. Sometimes I can pull myself out of it. I don't know how to establish boundaries anymore.

My W wants to spend time with me. She texted me last night saying that she heard a song and it made her miss me. I just don't know what to do anymore. It hurts so much. I know I need to be patient. The R is upbeat and fine. We laugh and talk about stuff. We eat meals together occasionally. Sometimes we watch a movie or something. There is just no progress. Nothing pointing towards a reconciliation. I keep going around and around in my head. She doesn't have feelings for me anymore. She broke my heart. She gave herself to another man. Now we are 'friends'. I would not be friends with a GF that broke up with me, yet because of the kids, because of the enormous bond I have to her, I cannot stop seeing her. It's making me insane. I am so trapped. I feel hopeless, though in my gut there is still something there.

I should go see my IC. I think I'm circling the drain again. I need to get sleep. I've been running myself pretty ragged. Thanks for being here for me.