Thank you... I almost spit out my water reading someone could think that I've found the art of listening, validation... And heck I can barely spell patience
I think the STFU smoothies are tough to choke down at first.... But when you start really doing it, when you can really listen and STFU .... The Intel you unearth is golden, if you reach a point where your W/H decides to let the flood gates open you discover not only what's eating them, you also help them purge ... The trick is to let them purge as much as possible before jumping in and defending yourself/ correcting the rewritten history/ pointing out the flaws .... Let them vent and exhaust themselves out, once they feel they've been heard they are more open to hearing you.... In my case W had a very large axe to grind, so she did so at will in my large thick skull till there was little left of it. Once that axe was all but worn down it was then things I would say started taking on more weight
Let them talk... Heck let me spill it all and just absorb what they've said and think about it for a bit before attempting to retort ... It's not all about WHAT they say, more that you've made a safe place to allow them to get it off their chest
