Nearly hit breaking point this morning.The boys were well being kids and boisterous and too slow getting ready for school. I raised my voice but had to leave the room to calm down. I was way too angry.... yes the boys actions was annoying and did serve being called to order but I realised that my frustration in general was pouring out.
If i got mad at the boys like that, I used to tell the boys that they were like fuel on the fire. Daddy was not mad st them, just that they were adding to what was going on. It has been a while...they understood a little better.
Yes our kids could/should be better behaved at times.... like all kids. Bit I am always tired and feel my bottled up emotions esp due to M situation is not healthy.
Whereas I believe it is in my kids best interest that we stay together as a family, I feel I cannot be my best in these conditions. They deserve better.
So what have you done to put more emphasis on your children through all of this. Spending special time with each one, focusing attention on them for a bit will help keep focus off of M even for a little bit.
I need to rework on my interactions with boys. I need to be more proactive heading off problems before they escalate. I need to get them to improve their interactions too. The sad thing is I started each sentence with I and not WE. I may try discuss this with W and go forward together on this.
W seems just as fed up as me.... with kids and in general She is not sleeping well and often gets up for an hour or so during night.
Does she bring her phone or go to the computer
Spoke to IC this morning but she basically said I will continue to get more and more fed up until I really have had enough or to much. She said it is impossible to carry what I am going through on my own.
That was not the help I wanted from her but she seems to be of the opinion I have done my work and that is that. If that is so why do I feel so broken?
Rejection of healthy desire and not having your need for affection and met will make you feel broke. Sounds cliché bit you really and i ran really need to start showing yourself some genuine love and appreciation...otherwise who else will do that. I have seen it and said it myself... Nobody will show me enough appreciation. Well I wasnt wither...it starts her, the ability to focus your energy inwards and appreciate all that you do...it will absolutely start you in a better direction.
I just don't know anymore. Before it was easier because being depressed I always had a backup exit plan. If things reached a certain point that would have been it. Now I guess I am better because suicide is not an option. I am fighting to find s solution.
I lost a good friend this week...he was hit by a car riding his bike. If anything it was a reminder that life is too phucking short to not live life to the fullest to take whatever you have right now and start being who you want to be. If that to be a daddy at home then so be it I am proud of you for that. Doesn't mean you can't just start really walking your path and enjoying your life.
I am contemplating giving up my business,that I started three years sho. I was proud to have managed that being depressed at the time. But although I have always had work, money could be better and it is an extra source of stress. However I love the freedom of choosing my hours and not having a boss. Plus I get to bring kids to school everyday and can take time off when I want to do something with them. But maybe at least in the: immediate future I should eliminate some stress, get a reliable steady income and more importantly be in a position to get a loan if needed. This could be helpful one way or another.
This is tough...it took courage to start your own business...it will take that same courage to move on from that if that is what you truely want to do. Hard choice here. I am glad you are thinking about it and taking time to consider the options.
A lot going on in my head at the moment.Needed to scream here so I can concentrate on what needs doing in real life.
Scream away Roiste. I have been silent for a few weeks focusing some energy on my own mental well being. I came out with the understanding that my wife has been going through something so intense due to a chdhood trauma. Her Mlc is almost 5 years old at least and all of her rhetoric says that she is looking at things differently now. Does that mean things will change or does that mean that her EA is heating up, that we will have to see.
Truth is I have not set healthy boundaries in my marriage and it is about time we did. We have been enabling thief behavior because we have not protected ourselves appropriately. We have not said enough of this $hit.
You are a stronger man now than when you got here. You have shown that over and over. I wish that we had not to deal with any of this [censored]. But that is the hand we've been dealt. I am not ready to give up. I do not have the same hope I once did, bit maybe that is what we need...to shed that unrealistic hope that things will get better. Instead, start moving forward with our lives for us and if things change great!
