I am having a bad case of Anniversaryitis I feel !!
Gwen - you made so much sense and yes I should "not care" either way, I do know that I will be fine either way, but that is not the same as caring. I know I need to refocus and get detaching myself again, I stupidly allowed myself to get caught up in his reappearance and promises, it was easy to do and I chastise myself for not being a bit more "standoffish".
job - thank you, you always bring me back to earth. The more that happens the more I see h is finding his way and you are so right, he needs to be on his own to do this. I am not sure how I have managed to get away with all that I have with him so far. As for being an inspiration to many, shucks !
sotto - "Is it truly worth it". Well the answer to that is: I won't know unless I try. Currently I am choosing to try because the "what if" is still strong for me. I can see the possibility, I have talked to it (h). Currently I feel I love my h but I am not IL with him, the things he does and says raise flags but as job points out, he is still very much in crisis so is still processing what is going on in his world, I should make it a habit of reminding myself of this.
4 shifts and I am on holiday for 9 days. I feel a beach calling me, the weather here is still changeable but the sun is out more and more so I want to make the most of being outdoors while I have the opportunity. I am glad I did not contact h yesterday, it would have been a huge mistake on my part. I must allow him to make steps forward on his own.
