The past month has been pretty interesting. Almost 3 weeks ago ( a week or so after out last meeting), I sent W an email saying I was done. It was my way of pushing things along, although I did sit on the email a few days to make sure that it was what I wanted. W replied that she had just wanted us to be 'friendly' these past 2 years and slowly start fresh. She said she had thought a lot about things after our meeting (my last post) and was ready to call me and say she wanted to try again. That she really wanted to make it work and even hoped to move home by Christmas. Has she fed me this line before? Yes, but for the 1st time, she also said she was 'willing to change everything and break multiple friendships'. But before she could call me, I said I was 'done.' Convenient, huh? I just replied that if she was willing to do those things, I'd be willing to hear her out.
Since that email exchange, we haven't really spoken much. I laid low with no intention of pushing that conversation. If she wanted to have it, she could drive it. The following weekend, MIL was in town, so they were busy. Then W and kids went out of town for a weekend...but I still got the sense that W was avoiding contact with me, so last night I text asking why that was. Our conversation is as follows...
W: I'm really not in a good mood or place to talk at all right now. Just feeling blah and lost. Tired M: Why? W: Don't know. Lots of things M: Has something changed in the past 3 weeks? W: I don't know M: So you didn't mean what you emailed? W: I didn't say that
I ended the conversation by telling her I was here if she needed to talk and she responded with an 'ok, I know'.
It feels like something happened or something's going on with her. I can imagine that if she's serious about telling me she wants to try, she has a lot of hurdles/challenges to overcome. I'm sure that's not easy. Or maybe it's not R related at all...(I know, lots of mind reading going on). I'm not pushing it any further- the only reason I reached out is that she had gone completely silent after a cordial interaction when MIL was in town (who btw, I was friendly with and gave up 'my' weekend with the kids for ).
So that's where things stand. I text her a 'Happy Birthday' this morning, but no response (not even a thanks, which is not like her). I'll continue to lay low as I find myself still going back and forth on what I want. Easy to go back and forth when I ask myself- why would I want to be with this person?
). 