dont be hard on yourself. You are thinking so hard to protect your children and she is being selfish. It is natural to react this way. Could you be better, of course. Let it go and start over.

On her ignoring the thoughts about the children being affect, my W is in the same place. I was accused of being the reason why they would say things. I calmly told her that i would never get in the way of their relationship and i defend her.
I think the best thing to do is to move on with what you feel needs to be done to help them.

keep going through this.

M 37
W 34

T 12
M 8
D 7
S 4

Need break 4/12/15
W no ring 7/7/15

Separate room 4/12/15
Separate living suggested 8/15
W moved out 11/1/15