So today was our 24th Wed Anni, not a word from h. Honestly I am disappointed and feel let down. It would have been the perfect opportunity for h to show sincerity in his words from over the past few weeks.
It has given me the 2x4 I needed to remind me that he has a looooooooong way still to go and now I am asking myself if this is what I want. The non committal, the feeling of being ignored - is this really it, am I going to have to put up with all this to get a guy back who quite frankly caused me intense pain and let me down on all levels.
Do I have to give up the thought of romance and being pursued, is that part of the deal? Because if it is then this whole reconnection thing just su&ks. Why do we get to be the ones who experience the pain of being left and then when they do finally start to come back around we are the ones who have to guide them back home again. Is all this really worth it, do you actually get a stronger more fulfilling relationship or do you spend years trying to figure all this out and treading on eggshells in case you upset them and they run again?
I know I have become too emotionally involved and I need to detach myself from him to get through the next few months, he is quite clearly all over the place himself, not able to fully function with clear decisive thoughts and actions yet. I did not contact him today and resisted temptation to send a snarky text this evening. I have decided to give him until Wed to contact me re visiting dates and then I am going to make other plans for my holiday.
