Maybell XXXVI: Moving Day

[Maybell]

Betsey, I'm not harboring a constant simmering fury at him. I am angry with him when my life has been hugely complicated by his life choices, as it has the last few weeks, or when he asks for stuff, as he does frequently. He NEVER offers value in return for his requests which makes me feel used and angry.

The latest thing is that less than two months after signing the settlement agreement, in which he did not ask for one extra minute of time with the kids, he now has decided he wants to take an extra night a week for one-on-one time with each of the kids (so he's taking one extra evening during the week, but only with one kid). This puts a huge dent in the weeknight schedule and I worry it will impact the cohesiveness I'm trying to foster among the four of us. But it makes the kids happy. It's also not a set night, because the kids' activities vary and he wants to be with them on nights when they don't have anything scheduled.

He is CONSTANTLY asking for stuff. But he has no respect for his obligations to me (witness the child support fiasco). I can't get enough space from him asking for stuff to get time to get over being angry with him. It's like I'm trying to heal and he keeps picking my scabs and reopening my wounds. I resent anything extra he asks for because he's constantly disrupting my efforts to create an orderly home and family and trying to re-insert himself into this family he walked out on, but only in such a way that he doesn't have to bear responsibility for anything substantial.

I can't say no to this request for extra time with the kids -- they want it. But I don't get one-on-one time with them at all. And I hate that divorce means he takes them to do all the fun family activities and I'm the one who drags them off to buy school supplies and new shoes and doing yard work and stuff. Divorce is the PITS.

With regards to escrowing the support -- yes, that can be done in this state, and if he continues to be late I will make it happen. The one bad thing about it is that it is considered a huge black mark for an executive at his level and I don't want to tickle that dragon because if he has to change jobs he'll likely leave the state.

Betsey, I think you weren't around for my therapy fiasco -- but in a nutshell, I had a male therapist who crossed some major boundaries with me and I just am having a hard time letting myself be vulnerable to a paid stranger again. I acknowledge that it could be useful. I just am terrified.

When I went back to work I knew there would be trade-offs between being available for school activities (yep, my kids like me to be around for that stuff) and doing work where I was valued. And yes, because Mr. Fantastic traveled so much, I did tend to socialize with my friends during weekday hours and reserve weekends for family (or couple) time. I didn't resent friends who wanted to get together during the weekends, we just tended not to.

I think I've got a Possible new job lined up but to close the deal I have to talk to my current boss tomorrow. Happy Monday to me! Oh, and did I mention that my new babysitter who was so good just gave me a week's notice that she's found another job?

That's all for now. Thank you all for caring about me. I'm not trying to make excuses.