My posts above were more just recognizing how hurtful criticism is to me
Have you noticed the importance of performance in your life? I would dare say, of perfection? You have a difficult sales job, you are a pool champion, you're becoming an involved dad. You have very high expectations for yourself. That's good. But there is a flip side to it and it might be that you feel you need to be perfect to be loved. Criticisms reach you because they imply that you're not worthy of love, of belonging. You set up your own challenges, like being the best salesman, winning this pool tournament, being a perfect dad, having a lifelong relationship. The fact that you share these stories with us regularly show us how important it is for you to succeed. You know, if you lost every tournament, if you didn't sell as much, we would love you all just as much. You don't have to be perfect.
The pursuit of perfection is costly for you, but it can also be taxing for those around you. I have a friend like this (and I am to a great extent). His M is not going too well now and it's in part because he's constantly holding his W and himself to an impossible standard, so criticizing her and hating himself. She'll drop the jam jar and he'll go "You shouldn't have dropped it!" Well, duh. But these things happen. There's a line from a song that would translate to "You always self-criticize and that's why you self-criticize me." I think it's a very deep sentence and worth thinking about.
Last, you cannot control every outcome. You do not control the skills of your opponents and their mental state on the day of a tournament. In sales, you do not control the decision of a client, even if your income depends on it. You do not control the feelings of your WAW. You do not control the weather, the power supply at your home, etc. One way to react to failure is to laugh it off. I think your morning story was hilarious and worthy of a comedy. The fact that the shorts were wrong? Small price to pay! I think I would have forgotten one kid in the overflowing toilet and dropped the second one at the plumber under the same circumstances. When your WW lectures you, you hear that you're not worthy. If you know you're worthy, if you really do, you will hear different.
You don't have to be perfect to be loved.
Failure does not make you unworthy.
You don't have to be perfect.
You really don't.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
