Mozza (13) + Links to success stories

[Mozza]

Haha! Thanks for waking me up, Vanilla. You're right, I've been very quiet in the last few weeks. I keep following a few people though. I should come here more often for advice though.

For instance, yesterday WW asked me for the kids' warmer coats that are at my place. I told her that I'd put them in a bag in the backyard but she asked me to drop them at her place instead (10 minutes away) because she didn't feel like coming to my place another time (she came twice this week, but we go months without such visits). I didn't know what to do because I didn't want to go to her place, to be at her service, and it took me some 30-40 minutes to respond no. She was not happy and did something she'd do in the relationship, which is to elevate any slight into a general principle, as form of retaliation threat: "So now we don't help each other out anymore? Just to clarify" Argh! Sometimes it's good to be reminded of an ex' shortcomings to miss them a little less... I've been SO helpful with her since the S, without a complain. Just this week, I'll take D4 on Wednesday because school's off, even though it's not my week. Later this month, I also keep the kids for a weekend while she goes on vacation. Also a bad habit of hers: this is all forgotten when she feels slighted.

It hurt me quite a bit that she would say that I don't want to help as soon as I don't do as she wishes. I make such efforts to keep everything cordial, not sharing my pain, anger (wrath!), love, memories and whatnot in a full year. Writing it here makes me realize that this is typical WW behavior and that I shouldn't let it affect me so much. By the way, 30 hours later, the bag of coats is still in the backyard...

I have some delight when I think that OM will have, sooner or later if he hasn't already, to deal with these same behaviors. Oh, I will have to deal with the shortcomings of my next partner, but I take some comfort in the thought that life catches up with them, as I mentioned a few times.

PMA report | I got confirmation that GAL is majorly important to keep up the PMA. On my antiversary, I stayed home for two days and it was awful. This weekend, without the kids, I don't have many plans and it's also hurting. But of course, in general, one year on, my pain is nowhere near BD levels. The WW interactions of yesterday derailed my day, but today is better. Things were better before the antiversary. One thing I didn't expect is that now I'm reliving the Apocalyptic Year: first birthday alone, first Christmas alone, etc.

Dating report | I'm not sure what is relevant to report here, but I'm dating and it's working as expected. Maybe one myth I'd like to dispel is that I'm all about dating and that I press it on people here. It probably comes from the fact that I've suggested it to some people who said they weren't ready. What I'm about is being honest with oneself and sometimes, the reasons people give seem like excuses to avoid facing deeper realities. It would not be surprising that people like us, who are so devastated by an S, are not comfortable meeting people. It is certainly my case. But I would apply the principle to topics other than dating if I came across. I think I was like this very much with Barry for instance, and not about dating.

IC report | I still see my IC, one year in and I feel it's still helpful. My biggest issue is still to acknowledge my preferences and desires and then to have the courage to fulfill them. My IC observed that I take for granted that I won't have what I want, that it would be too good to be true, so I settle. He spoke of people who are the opposite, who feel everything is owed to them. It's all very thought-provoking. Anyway, don't be surprised if you hear in the news that I've proposed to Scarlett Johansson because I'm going for it!

D Report | I've finally done the research and paperwork on which I procrastinated for some two months. What a relief! Right now, we're waiting for some letters from the government. WW is still as confused and botchy as before and trying to delegate the D to me, but I resisted, going as far as writing her "I feel that you're trying to burden me with the heavy lifting for a D that you have brought upon us." I think she got the message, though I don't expect her nature to change, so it will come back.

Regarding the cost-sharing, you guys are not making it any easier! I had pretty much decided to share evenly with her, if only to avoid poisoning the relationship over a few hundred dollars. Part of me wants to ask her: "Why exactly am I paying for this D that I didn't want?" if only to make her think about it.

Work report | This is where I've made the most progress in the last two months. I've reached levels of productivity that are very near pre-BD. I love my job, always have, and now I feel more capable of focusing on it, planning for it, following up. There are a lot of prospective clients on my radar. It's all very exciting.