confused newbie 2

[Fogg]

I shut out the small signs now just because they do nothing to help me. In fact, I've seen more signs she cares about the D and what she's doing to our family in the last 3 week than I have in the last 9 months. Things I wanted to see from the beginning. Truth is it could still mean nothing in the long run and best to notice but don't view it as things are going to change soon.

To explain some about those signs to give you an idea of why not to cling to anything. D4 told me W had a huge meltdown and cried hard almost immediately after signing our separation agreement. I seen her stop our van in the parking lot driving away but didnt understand shy shd sat there for a while not moving. She made some excuse to delay the D paperwork for tax reasons until next year, she's had the paperwork since January and there's always some reason it hasn't been done, idk why. SIL said she showed her some vulnerability doe the first time (ended up being the day I texted her about the eseparqtion agreement). W looked at phone and started to cry some, SIL asked her what was wrong and W said "....just Fogg" in a sad tone staring at her phone, then changed the subject. I texted W earlier I'm thr week telling her I found an apartment and it would be ready in a week. She didn't reply at all then but suddenly had plans for the night an hour later with a friend she normally drinks and cries with. D4 tells me later "mommy cried at the store" which is where she was when I texted her.

So you can see I could latch onto these things and hope they lead to something on the future, which I have a tiny amount of hope for. But right now it means nothing. I'm moving out,we're still on the path to D and when all is said and done it could lead to nothing. She shows me none of this crying, but I see the depression creep out sometimes.