Wife wants to "move on"

[job]

Clay,
Every person has life transitions, i.e., ages: 13, 20, 30, 40, etc. Most people are able to navigate those transitions smoothly and very seldom have a crisis take place. Why? Because they developed good, strong coping skills as they grew up.

Those who are unable to navigate some, if not all of those transitions, develop poor coping skills and when midlife looms in front of them, they can't cope. They begin to question their lives, i.e., are they where they wanted to be at this time in their lives, have I done all of the things I wanted to do, what did I miss out on and yes, they begin to get restless and when something comes along that hits the switch and they begin to detach from us, generally 18-24 months prior to the bomb, they become depressed and unhappy and think we are the reason for that unhappiness, just as they think the relationship is the problem as well.

Bottom line, it doesn't matter if she was a nun, an engineer, a stay at home mom, etc., if she had childhood issues and her coping skills are poor, she was destined to have a crisis because there are some things that she's stuffed down for years and years that have now come to the surface and need to be faced head on and dealt w/in her own way. Whether she confronts the people who stunted her emotional growth years ago or not, she will need to figure that out on her own.

The best thing you can do is let her go and leave the door ajar. It takes years for them to come thru the crisis and some will return as the people you knew and loved and others will come out the other end of the rabbit hole w/some of the habits/quirks that they picked up along the way, then there are others who won't be the same at all. And, yes, there are some that remain stuck in the rabbit hole for the rest of their lives looking for that illusive happiness and pot of gold under the rainbox. Which will your wife be? No one knows at this time.

Let her go and find a way to live your life as if she may never return. Life is far too short to sit there and wait on her. You only have one life to live...so live it. If she comes back, I will be happy for you. If she doesn't, you will have gotten stronger and learned a lot about yourself during your journey and then can move forward and hopefully have met someone who will love you for you.

For now...try not to analyze her every word, thought or behavior. It will drive you nuts if you allow it.