Equally part of me feels I can never imagine being in a R with him again, so why am I not filing? But I guess I also know that things could change, and if he turned back towards the M and seemed to genuinely want to work on things, I would want to pursue that. Also, part of me feels like starting from scratch and getting to know someone else is also a big mountain to climb. Just a different one.
This is absolutely the same as what I felt and to a degree still feel. I could never imagine my h contacting me as he did, in fact I was waiting for the "we're engaged" email. I can't say I even held on to hope h would come back my way anymore, it was more a connection to him; I get sucked straight back into his voice, his emails and texts every time he does contact me, so I knew I was not ready to give up and let go yet.
Finding someone new. I think about this, it must be easier; meeting someone who has no history with you and caused you no pain. Yet, here I am, considering giving h another chance, despite everything. So I really do understand you going around in circles, not quite being able to shut that door ...yet.
As long as you are still moving on with your life and not "waiting" for your h, then you're not stuck, it's that horrible word TIME that we hear so often, standing for your m is quite ok, but keep your mind open to all possibilities as you never know what is around the corner.
Originally Posted By: sotto
I've been reading Lou R's threads this week. In many ways our sitches are similar (apart from pre-BD infidelity in my sitch.) And it does give me some hope that even with distance and little contact things can start to turn. I liked what Lou said to her H - That if something changed, she would want him to let her know as she loves him and would be there for him. It made me wonder if I should say something similar to my H. But on balance I think the ripe time for that has passed and I should continue on my course. I do think there are glimmers in my sitch of H making occasional contact with updates that aren't strictly needed, and not filing for D (yet) despite getting to the brink of doing so.
As for the letting h know that he can contact you if things should change - my h mentioned what I said to him the other day, but he said that ultimately he contacted me because of the way I acted throughout this time, I just allowed him to be. He said he did not want to go through life wondering "what if". If your h wants you back in his life, it does not matter where he is, where you are, or how long it's been, he will find a way.
Remember - this is your life, you only have one, so live it to the full and do whatever makes you feel whole and happy.
