Sotto sotto voce

[Sotto]

Dawn, thanks for stopping by. I think one step at a time is right. There is no need to think about anything more than that for now. Well, I've had a nice couple of days with various GAL activities. It's going to be busy today too. I'm taking my Dad out this morning, then meeting a friend for coffee later and aerobics tonight, then I'm away for a couple of days for work Mon/Tues.

I've been ruminating a little on our whole limbo situation. I don't like the feeling - which I've had for months - of being on the brink of H filing. But then he doesn't quite file. Realistically, I can only go on for so long as I am financially (dipping into savings to fund living costs.) Me taking control would mean filing, which I'm still reluctant to do. I'm hoping that the house sale will bring things to a head soonish. If I stick to the original legal advice that I'll only sell the house if we reach a full financial settlement, that resolves things hopefully. And H can still file for D if he wishes. That's up to him.

Equally part of me feels I can never imagine being in a R with him again, so why am I not filing? But I guess I also know that things could change, and if he turned back towards the M and seemed to genuinely want to work on things, I would want to pursue that. Also, part of me feels like starting from scratch and getting to know someone else is also a big mountain to climb. Just a different one.

I've been reading Lou R's threads this week. In many ways our sitches are similar (apart from pre-BD infidelity in my sitch.) And it does give me some hope that even with distance and little contact things can start to turn. I liked what Lou said to her H - That if something changed, she would want him to let her know as she loves him and would be there for him. It made me wonder if I should say something similar to my H. But on balance I think the ripe time for that has passed and I should continue on my course. I do think there are glimmers in my sitch of H making occasional contact with updates that aren't strictly needed, and not filing for D (yet) despite getting to the brink of doing so.

So, I'm doing okay,but just having a little phase of being a bit tired of the uncertainty and feeling I've reached a bit of a plateau. Okay, I've built a new life for myself - clawed my way out of the pit (no mean feat...) now what?? One new thing on the horizon is D recovery workshop. That starts in early Nov and I'm looking forward to being in a support group with others in a similar situation. Plus there's a social scene that surrounds the DRW group in my area....so that should be good.

Anyway, a bit meh this weekend but basically okay and busy with GAL. If anyone has any wisdom to offer, I'm all ears xx