Finally asking for help: 2

[Solo15]

mutatio
Thanks for checking in on me buddy. It's been a tough couple of weeks. The depression is a big battle for me right now. But I'm coping. Cheers!


Vanilla

Thanks for taking the time to dissect everything. I think that there is a lot of wisdom there. I tend to believe that who we are is not what's inside, but what we do with it. Action is what effects the people and world around us.

When did this start? What age? Did your family, teachers, WW, value you on what you did rather than for you? Is that how you learned to value Solo?

I'm not sure if I understand. We all value people for what they do, right? I mean, having a sense of humor, being kind, passionate, those things manifest through action. People value action. They can't value you in any other way unless it's physical.

I can say this in regards to self judgement. My father is highly judgmental and it really messed me up. My W is insanely judgmental, especially of me. Not just my actions, but my thoughts, my feelings, my interests. So I would say that if the people are closest to you have judged you and restrained you for your entire life, you believe them. Their love has always had all these conditions. I don't think I have ever felt loved for who I am in the relationships that matter most to me. I also grew up in a highly religious setting, so that compounded that feeling. In some ways, I believe that my personality and the way I give love comes from not ever feeling unconditional love and wanting to give it.

Grey
I'm glad my sitch could be of some use. Thanks for the kind words. I've been reading up on yours as well, and will post in a bit.