It was good and ok! It was weird. I was not sure how to feel about it. I did face one of my biggest fears and that was going and talking. I did go and I did talk. My other fear was going to meeting so close to home I may know someone there. It is a very small group 4-8 people. I again had to concur a fear as a girl I graduated with was there...What a way to take all those fears at once lol!
I am not sure how/why it happened but the reading they did last night was about finding help, what it was about and how we do not cause, control or (I cant remember the third) the disease. It also talked about self care and how we can not cure the alcoholic. I for whatever reason felt like the reading was speaking to me. I know it sounds silly but it seemed to cover exactly where I was at. Maybe it was a sign. I will be returning next week. I really enjoyed it. I do need to order the book and will be doing that this weekend. I am not a focused listener when others are reading so that is something I will need to do on my own time is re-read the readings. I really enjoyed listening to the others speak it helps to put a situation with the book.
A few things I have questions about! I understand it is geared toward the person affected by the alcoholic. Yes I am affected by my dad's past drinking but I feel I am more affected right now by the co-dependency. They were all sharing stories about their alcoholic friends/family and I wanted to share more towards my co-dependency. An example of this was one lady was sharing about searching for her H bottles. I can not really relate to that but I can relate to searching text messages and facebook. Am I allowed to share more towards the co-dependency or does it need to stay alcohol related? Another was dropping the rope...Well again it was not alcohol related it was I moved out and set the boundary that I would not tolerate it anymore. I did share with the group I was working more with co-dependency than alcohol but I am an Adult child of an Alcoholic. I am just unsure about the sharing part and fitting it to my situation. I do not want to interfere with others healing.
Good things I have noticed. I used to check his facebook every day several times a day I bet since I have left I have been on their twice. I have only checked his bank account once also used to check that daily. I really do not have the urge to text or call all the time even when i am at work like I used to. I do not feel the need to be at the house or interfering with his R. this is his time to do what he wants/needs and my time to do as I want/need. I am also finding myself so busy I can not even get a routine down with the kid. I am choosing that as something I would like to work on this coming week. I have bought myself a few new things this week also. I am just feeling lighter from less stress I guess. this week (and every week) Mondays I took D to gymnastics, tuesday spent time at the house with all the kids then D8 to dance, WEd gymnastics *these are have to's for her activities...Thursdays will be Alanon and tonight I took D7 and D8 to the homecoming football game it was a blow out so we left at half-time. tomorrow I am taking the 3 kids to watch Ex race and then they are all staying with me and Sunday I will be trying to finish unpacking. Next week monday -thursday will be the same and I will be looking for something for us to do friday and she will be gone saturday and Sunday so i will likely go do something with friends. Ha I should clean the camper too! looks like a tornado went through here!! O yes and I will have IC on thursday also. I have also been picking up an extra shift this week and next week! Staying busy busy! it is kind of nice not having all those things to worry about!
A few things I have noticed lately about myself. One I continue reading into things Ex says and does. Example we were talking about kids this weekend he asked when I was bringing them sunday I said I dont know he said he wants to be a responsible parent and make sure he is up please give him half hour notice he isnt sure what he is doing going out with friend maybe. The next day he repeats same thing says with friend...long pause softer quieter voice or OW. To me it was like he was either hiding it or ashamed to tell me. I am not sure. I have also caught myself reading into he has still not allowed kids around her and ect. Makes me think he just is not quite sure he thinks he is doing the right thing. But it could also be a respect thing towards the kids. He will text me and call me but when I am at the house he has very little if nothing at all to say to me. Kind of weird.
