LBH w/ a WW trying to save my M

[gs9]

Wow! I have found some excellent advise here. Thank you so much to everyone. Sandi's rules are great and wish I would have found them on day one of my WW's PA

So, here's my story. My W grew up in a very hostile home. She was physically, mentally and emotionally abused. I didn't realize the impact this had on our M. I knew my W had a nasty temper but thought if I just "walk on glass" and do everything I can to not piss her off everything will be good. I also thought if she just blew up every once in awhile I could handle it. Well, this didn't work and I couldn't handle it. The blow ups were extreme. She would yell things like "I hate you, I wish you were dead, I wish you would get in the car, drive really fast and smash into a tree" on a regular basis. She has also hit herself, held knives to her throat, wrapped belts and metal hangers around her throat and other "self harming" actions. She regularly repeats the "list of my wrongs". Some of which are things I have done that have hurt her, some are things I did prior to meeting her and some are things that never even happened. I feel as if she has never forgiven me for any of these things even though we have attended counseling specifically working on conflict resolution and forgiveness. Lastly, she would also hit me. Now I'm 6'4", 235lbs and regularly involved in sports and the gym. It took me a long time to acknowledge I'm an abused spouse. Looking back I realize I would let this abuse build up and I've acted out a couple times in the last 6 years. I have not been the perfect husband and I really blew it Aug 2014. On a business trip I got drunk, met 2 people, we went back to my room to continue to drink. I cheated. I did not sleep with her but I was still unfaithful. When I returned home I felt terrible. Within a day I admitted everything and begged for forgiveness. Since then I've been working to win her love, earn her trust and be the best H ever. The abuse has increased and has been more frequent. I tolerated it because I believed it was retribution for what I did and I wanted to allow her to release her anger. I realize now no one deserves to be abused this way.
On May 24, 2015 she told me the night before at the bar a guy had tricked her into getting her phone number and he had been sending her nice messages. I told her to tell him to stop and she said she wasn't sure she wanted to. I asked her to tell me if he didn't and I would make sure it stopped.
I let the topic go but could tell something wasn't right over the next couple weeks. I confronted her about it on June 12, 2015. She said they were still talking she got mad at me and left. I googled him, found his address then began tracking her phone as I watched her go to his house. She returned in the morning at 5:30 am claiming nothing happened but I didn't believe her. I began snooping her phone and in a short time frame discovered she had slept with him.
I confronted her and told her I was willing to work on our M. She denied it. I then spoke with her mother and her mother and I confronted her. I told her I knew the truth and I was still willing to work on our M. She denied it until I showed her the proof. She left the room.
I decided I would show her unconditional love and just be the better choice. She kept telling me she wanted to choose me and our M but she needed some space. I refused to leave the house as long as she continued to talk to OM. She eventually told me she would stop talking to him. I agreed to leave the house but I wasn't going to set up something permanent. I left the house and lived with friends for about 3 weeks until I discovered she had been lying and was talking to the OM the whole time. I moved back in still showing her love and I did this for about 6 weeks until I came across this site and a book on "tough love".

Since finding this site and learning about tough love I have been doing pretty good. She noticed the 180's right away and for a couple weeks it was drawing her to me. She would initiate conversations, come to me to hug, tell me she loves me and even scheduled a date for us. However, she continued her A and I caught her in lots of lies.

About 3 weeks ago her first A seemed to fizzle out as she began a new A. She has stopped being drawn to me. I've continued the 180's, and GAL. She does ask questions periodically about what I'm doing or if I'm seeing someone but I have told her if we decide to choose each other we will definitely have these types of conversations.

10 days ago she filed for divorce and asked me to move out again. I told her I was staying but would move to the basement. I told her I do not want a divorce but I do not want a marriage like we had either.

Here's my question- I read Sandi's post describing the WW and it describes my W to a T. If I remember it correctly it said I should be using the "let her go" method and I should have never left the martial bedroom. That I should demand she leaves in order to create loss in her. That she will need to feel significant loss in order to shake her out of her A fog. I have already left the bedroom. I am strongly considering moving back into the bedroom but I know she will explode and she doesn't care when she explodes in front of the kids. She has and will say terrible things to our 4 year old about me in order to hurt me. I don't want to expose our little girl to this.
So I guess the questions. Do I
1. just move back into the bedroom and not say anything
2. move in and tell her to sleep somewhere else
3. Tell her prior to bedtime that I'm moving in and she should leave. I don't care where you go but you are not sleeping here
4. move her stuff out and not say anything to her about it?

Lastly, How do I enforce this boundary?

Thanks in advance for the help