Trip, thanks so much for checking in on me!! I have been so busy this week I've hardly had a chance to keep up with reading the boards, let alone post. But, I am taking a few minutes now to give you all an update...
Tonight I'm in my very first apartment that's just mine, and I'm here all by myself. Wow, it feels weird! I'm not as emotional as I thought I'd be, but I think that's because I'm so exhausted from making a zillion trips up three flights of stairs!!
Last week was a quiet week. H came by a few times to help with the house and the garage sale we had on Saturday. I was pretty annoyed at H Friday because he'd been over Thursday night and said he'd come back Friday night if I 'really really needed his help' getting the garage sale ready to go. Well Friday afternoon he bails on me saying he already had plans and had these plans for many weeks but had forgotten about them. I was kind of pissed, but decided to just let it go, whci is a 180 for me, and I think the right thing to do.
Saturday morning he was over bright and early for the garage sale. We ended up doing really well and getting rid of tons of stuff. After that we worked for the rest of the day packing up the house. Actually, H did most of the work. I'm pretty sure he was feeling super guilty that I have been doing all the work around there. At one point I was just standing around and said I felt bad I wasn't helping, what could I do? He said, just supervise me, that's your job!
All in all, the day was incredible!! It was the closest we have been since the bomb, and since many months before it. We had so much fun joking and playing around. H was so much like his old self, I hardly recognized/remembered it at first. He even made a comment to me that he thought his anti-D meds had just started working for him in the last few weeks. I would totally agree with that- our visits the last few weeks have been really great, H has seemed more and more like his old self. So, this makes me wonder, if he is coming out of the depression, is this going to change the way he views our M?
So far I am seeing many baby steps. He talks about things in 'we' a lot. Like WE will fix your desk. He also wanted me to make sure I took the spare key to the car that he's driving now. But, there are still daggers in there- he talks a lot about 'our own lives' stuff- like how having my own apartment will be nice, etc. So, I just keep chugging along.
Another point to mention, this past week I got some really great career news and H has been so supportive and so happy for me. He's told me several times on e-mail and in person, and was also talking to someone else about how proud he is of me. He also volunteered to help me with some things, and has come up with some really good ideas for me. So this feels good to have so much support from him. In the beginning of our R he was so supportive and proud of me with everything I did, but that tapered off quite a bit the last year or so.
Well I have another crazy week ahead of me. We close on the house Friday. We still have many things to do over there, so I will probably be seeing H a few times this week. I already have meetings this week with my new work as well!! I'd also like to try and get settled into the apartment soon so I'm not living out of boxes!
Last night I was feeling really awful and really apprehensive about how things might change now that H and I won't have our house, but after chatting with some super helpful friends, I feel like I'm back on track and trying to stay focused on the positive. Hope that I still feel that way tomorrow!!
