Hey All-
Seattle & TO, thanks for dropping in. I'm here for you both anytime!!

Weekend update...

This weekend has been exhausting! I went by Friday afternoon and signed the lease on my very first apartment (by myself, always had roomies). Not really even too scary, have to admit I was surprised. Spent a little time there Friday night cleaning and just settling in to the idea. H called my cell to see if I was in and how I was doing. Thought that was sweet.

Saturday morning H came over to help me start packing & moving. We decided to just sort & pack Saturday and move today. For the most part, it all went well. I had a minor little emotional moment when H asked if we wanted to keep this collage thing that I had made for him when we first were dating. I just kinda looked at him to see what he was referring to, and then when i saw it I got a bit teary and he quickly said oh yeah, we'll keep it and I left the room. Played with the dog for a few minutes, and then I was all back on track. We had a good time going through stuff and we got lots done. He was here for about 5 or 6 hours.

I did some more packing last night after he left, and then he was back this morning again. One point of interest, I think he saw me naked today!! He was supposed to be coming by at 11. It was about 20 till and I had just gotten out of the shower and was drying my hair. Then I hear a Hi!!! which startled me, I turned off the dryer and could then hear H talking to the dog to let her outside. Then he busied himself doing stuff out in the family room. So I'm pretty sure he walked back, saw me, and then tried to play it off. heheheh!!

Today was another good day. We loaded up the cars and trekked over to my apartment. After carrying a couple loads up three flights of stairs H said 'carrie this was a bad idea.' I said, hey it wasn't my idea! and laughed. A few minutes later he said 'yeah, i guess it was my idea, huh?' I said, oh I thought he was referring to the third floor choice, which I had no choice in. Thought that was kind of interesting, not sure if it means anything.

At one point we were sprawled out on the floor in my apartment taking a break and we were both super tired. Somehow we got to talking about things and H opened up a lot about a trip he took overseas last year. It was a few months before the bomb, and I knew he was majorly depressed but not motivated to do anything about it. I encouraged him to take a trip with his best friend because I thought it would help him out. I guess in a way it backfired on me, because he told me at bomb time that on this trip was when he decided he wanted a D. Anyhow, so he never told me much about his trip, but today he was sharing a lot of details about the trip, and also just details about his life in general lately. It was a really good convo.

After that trip we decided to leave my car and ride back to the house together. H wanted to stop off at one of my recent favorite stores (now one of his faves too) to look for something. We ended up spending a while there. Every few minutes he was saying 'care, come here, look at this; care, check this thing out'. This I thought was very good for two reasons: 1, my close family call me 'care' and H used to do this too. Haven't heard it in ages, but heard it a number of times this weekend! 2, He was so excited/intersted in showing me stuff! Even wanted my opinion on a pair of shoes, did I think they were cool? Should he buy them? So, think this is all good stuff.

After the shopping we came back to the house to eat and load up one more time. We were both getting pretty tired. Took one more load down and H stuck around for a while and then decided to head home to relax. He offered to come by during the week to help me again, or to drop off the car (he has the bigger car right now) so I could take trips myself.

All in all, I feel this was a great weekend. H has been more like 'old H' this weekend. We genuinely had a good time together. Going through stuff and packing wasn't hard at all. In fact, I feel really good about selling the house and getting started on this next phase. To me (and maybe to H too) selling the house and getting rid of a lot of the stuff in it is sort of symbolic of getting rid of the old junk that was bringing us down. Having a simpler, pared down life feels really good. I think it will be a great time for us to start fresh on a lot of things, including our R.