Hey Emmess, don't fear the D talk, D happened a while back, it is just a paper now.
As far as the assets, don't let her guilt trip you as you know very damn well she isn't at her best state of mind, what woman in their right mind break up a family even when the H is trying to make the necessary changes to be a better H/father.
Don't feel bad for fighting for what YOU think its fair.
It is about YOU and your children now not about her anymore.
Fight for what is right in YOUR mind without anger.
I will be going through this soon but I am here for you man, keep posting brother, may GOD be with us on this journey.
From what I'm reading it looks like she wants a new life and have the security of the old one, I'm sorry to say that but she can't have both ways!
Think about you and the kids: would you be better off financially if the house is sold? Would you be able to offer more to your kids that what you are doing now?
Don't let her make you feel guilty. Kids are resilient and youth can turn having a new place into an exciting adventure. A house is only a roof over our head, the people you are with and what you do with them is the most important thing.
I am not going to tell or even suggest what you should do but under the circumstances you described I would sell the house, pay off the debts and decouple myself from the wife.
One can't have both ways in life and you don't have to subsidize her life without you.
Thank you all so much for your thoughts about my situation. I agree that if is something that will impoverish me and not allow me to provide for my children, It won't make the most sense to do. I am giving myself some time to think things through. I honestly don't need the money at the moment and feel that I can allow for a slower transition for my children's sake; but of course this is something that I really need to give some thought to.
Yesterday was a hurtful day for me and the W, it began with all speaking in good terms and laughing, but then I had to mention something that was bothering me and found hurtful from my snooping days. Of course, that blew everything up. She continued to tell me how she doesn't love me, miss me, its done with me. How is funny how the tables have flipped, etc. I know that part of this is being said out of anger and to hurt me, making fun of my actions to her friends and in honesty it does hurt. I realize that I don't need my W, I want to be with her and our family but don't need her. I know that I caused this by not knowing to STFU and keep things in and let them be. I put too much importance on wanting to have a say...(something I need to work on).
With that said. I will continue to work on myself, continue letting go of W and of the mean things she is doing and saying. I need to stop giving her so much power, and I need to control myself and my reactions.
Today's PMA
Quote of the Day:
“Dignity
/ˈdignitē/ noun
1. The moment you realize that the person you cared for has nothing intellectually or spiritually to offer you, but a headache.
2. The moment you realize God had greater plans for you that don’t involve crying at night or sad Pinterest quotes.
3. The moment you stop comparing yourself to others because it undermines your worth, education and your parent’s wisdom.
4. The moment you live your dreams, not because of what it will prove or get you, but because that is all you want to do. People’s opinions don’t matter.
5. The moment you realize that no one is your enemy, except yourself.
6. The moment you realize that you can have everything you want in life. However, it takes timing, the right heart, the right actions, the right passion and a willingness to risk it all. If it is not yours, it is because you really didn’t want it, need it or God prevented it.
7. The moment you realize the ghost of your ancestors stood between you and the person you loved. They really don't want you mucking up the family line with someone that acts anything less than honorable.
8. The moment you realize that happiness was never about getting a person. They are only a helpmate towards achieving your life mission.
9. The moment you believe that love is not about losing or winning. It is just a few moments in time, followed by an eternity of situations to grow from.
10. The moment you realize that you were always the right person. Only ignorant people walk away from greatness.” - Shannon L. Alder
Glad you realize that you don't NEED your W to be happy. Takes practice but take each day at a time.
Do something different each and every day, for example take a different route to work, exit a different exit, cook something completely different, etc.etc. You will see how your life will be much more satisfying and rewarding, babysteps brother!
My favorite; The moment you believe that love is not about losing or winning. It is just a few moments in time, followed by an eternity of situations to grow from.
Thank you so much for your thoughtful words. I will take that further, I have been trying to take different paths and different exits, I want to explore this life of ours.
That is one of my favorites as well. It speaks volumes to us at this point in our journey.
W has hit me up this morning, sending me pictures and videos of our youngest at the park. I was a little surprise as I was not expecting it given yesterday. She acts like nothing happened and the hurtful things she said are OK. I decided to begin not even bothering. As long as we are in a good place, that's where I'll keep it unless something drastic happens.
I want to get to that point in which she realizes what she has lost and for that I need to completely detached, I will always love my wife, I know that, to some extent or another, but eventually I will not be able to continue with this, until then I am focusing on doing things I've always wanted to, and making changes I always wanted to make.
Goals I have been wanting to set:
1. Drink Less - Begin reducing the amount of alcohol I consume, I will start to aim on not drinking the glass or 2 of wine I have been accustomed to during the week. I will aim to only drink during the weekend, and not until the evening.
2. I will work on controlling my emotions and focusing on the good in every obstacle by remembering to change my perception of the obstacle, keeping a cool head, and controlling my emotions by feeling them but questioning them.
3. Start an online e-commerce business part time.
4. I will work on showing my wife that I have moved on with or without her, by showing her a happy and confident man, one not ruled by his emotions, and knows his worth. I will accomplish this by working on myself, GAL, and surrounding myself with people who love me and support me.
M: 34 W: 33 S: 7 S: 14 months BD: 6/2015 Separation: 6/2015 Back and Forth between Home and Moms
1. Drink Less - Begin reducing the amount of alcohol I consume, I will start to aim on not drinking the glass or 2 of wine I have been accustomed to during the week. I will aim to only drink during the weekend, and not until the evening. what do you mean "aim to"? Can't you just not drink except Friday or Saturday night? How much are you allowing yourself on those nights?
2. I will work on controlling my emotions and focusing on the good in every obstacle by remembering to change my perception of the obstacle, keeping a cool head, and controlling my emotions by feeling them but questioning them. great. As a concept. What actions will you actively take so that you will know if you have succeeded? How will you be able to judge this?
3. Start an online e-commerce business part time. great! When you say "start", what exactly do you mean? What tasks do you hope to have accomplished this month?
4. I will work on showing my wife that I have moved on with or without her, by showing her a happy and confident man, one not ruled by his emotions, and knows his worth. I will accomplish this by working on myself, GAL, and surrounding myself with people who love me and support me. same comment as #2
Good on you for laying these out! Now fine tune this so you can be paved for success!!
Azzork thank you so much for stopping by, to be honest I was hoping you would. You have become the GOAL setter.
Revised Goals:
1. Drink Less - Begin reducing my alcohol assumption to just Friday or Saturday. I will minimize my consumption on the weekends to have no more than 3 glasses of alcohol.
2. I will work on controlling my emotions by looking within to accept my feelings, change the perception of my problems to more of an opportunity mindset. This I would gauge by being reflective of my interactions, keeping a log to track my accomplishments on these events.
3. Start an online e-commerce business part time. I will begin by finishing the course on starting the business, registering the domain, researching the products, and begin selling.
4. I will work on showing my wife that I have moved on with or without her, showing her happiness, and a confident man. I will also reflect on this to gauge my interactions with W, keep a journal to track my progress, and continue to fine-tune my short comings until it becomes a new reality.
This morning has been a good morning. I woke up with my little ones, and that's always nice. I plan on taking them to a museum to celebrate Jim Henson's bday. I of course miss my wife, but working on letting go of the idea that I need her to be happy. I want her to be free to be who she is and wants to be.
Today's PMA
Quote of the Day:
“Let the first act of every morning be to make the following resolve for the day:
- I shall not fear anyone on Earth. - I shall fear only God. - I shall not bear ill will toward anyone. - I shall not submit to injustice from anyone. - I shall conquer untruth by truth. And in resisting untruth, I shall put up with all suffering.” - Mahatma Gandhi
