Still Struggling with a plan!

[hopeOK]

Yes, you are so right... there is no way to control everything they do... and if they really wanted to do something, they could. They wouldn't have to use their phones... I have had this thought before too- my H could be just using his work computer & work phone. He could be using his accounts on his cel phone but deleting everything before he comes home... and being really dutiful to not use it when he is home. There are all sorts of ways he could do it... i try to remember that when I am thinking about snooping and when I think about what I have or have not found. It is crazy making to try to catch them doing something.

At times I am really good with this... I can keep a straight head and resist snooping. Especially when he is leaving his phone out for me. I it almost like he is saying, "here is my phone- I've cleared it of anything I shouldn't be doing, you can snoop." Of course the flip side is - "I'm not doing anything, here is my phone for you to see." So who knows which one it really is... and there is really no way to know.

I guess the reason I occasionally to succumb to snooping is that thought that I might be able to catch him... he might slip up, & I'll find something. And you are right, we have been hurt really bad & are trying to minimize any future hurt. If we can discover it sooner rather than later, that will minimize the time we are made a fool of. (And for me, if he cheats again, I am done... he knows this & I am firm on this. I can take responsibility for my part in the relationship being what it was that allowed for someone else to step in... but now, there is no excuse, no reason that would make me stay.)

And speaking of succumbing... last night I looked at his fb search history again to see if he is keeping it cleared... 2 searches. One for a business and one for that girl from his work that messaged him while we were camping (not the OW). The one that he had talked to on the phone while we were on the outs (he said she was really sick and needed advice as her insurance hadn't kicked in... h is in a supervisory role and an RN) & the one that he had friended on fb before (but now they are not friends) & who I had seen him search for repeatedly when we were on the outs. I don't know if he has an obsession w/ her or what it is... she is very attractive. When we were camping he did tell me there was nothing there & she probably wouldn't contact him again. But why is he searching for her on fb? To look at her page?? I don't get it. And if I say something, he definitely will begin to clear his fb search history.

Well not going to spend too much time worrying about it for now. It is just one of those things to file in the back of my mind for future reference if I need it.