Did she get the court to agree to that custody setup? Not a father-friendly state?
The problem isn't really how this backtalking impacts you, but how it impacts the kids over time. You will probably not get an accurate representation from them of everything that was said. They will downplay it to you, or possibly use it for attention.
I've seen this exact scenario impact hundreds of divorced families over years. And I know how much you will hate it when your in-a-few-years teen daughters talk down to you in Ex's voice... Your reply to them already indicates that this is a problem, IMO.
She's probably not going to listen to you, but a co-parenting class has been very helpful to many. It's something about when it comes from a counselor...
I'm in MN. It isn't father unfriendly. STBX has simply built a case that it's best for D4 to be with mom more right now and that S11 has 'adjustment issues' and is going to counseling for outbursts of anger so it would be 'best for him' to stay with her during the week. My L says that we might not win this one. It's still in negotiation. Frankly anything less than living with my family 100% of the time is criminal, so now we're just haggling over which ring of hell is the legislated reality.
I'm not sure which reply you were talking about. I didn't post how I replied to my children. The word "really" was just my surprise at the fact that my son had already heard about my key ring solution, it wasn't in reaction to his parroting STBX's comments.
That said, my reaction is one of indifference. If they bring up that "mom says" or "at mom's place" I just shrug and tell them we're different people and are going to do things differently like it's obvious and no big deal...because that's the truth.
If my D's start parroting mom's critical voice when they get older I'll be just fine. I parent them for them, I don't need their affection and approval. I fully expect them to be monsters, but I don't let my children impact how I feel about who I am or what I do. I think I learned this from being a manager. I got used to the fact that some employees would criticize everything I did, blame me for everything that went wrong, etc. Trust me, I know who I am and what I bring. They can criticize all they want. I'll get them to 18 and make sure they know I am there if the day comes they want to be civilized with me. It's their life and they'll have to choose their path. I will just lead by example and be available to them as little or as much as they want.
I am disappointed that their model for relationships will be to walk when it gets tough. It wouldn't surprise me if both of my D's became WAWs at some point. But again, I get to do my best as a parent to show them what I believe, and ultimately they get to make their own choices. I was pretty angry at one point at STBX because I feel she is bringing a lot of pain to the children and I am helpless to protect them...but I realize this is out of my control, and life's bumpy anyway. This is the human experience. I'll just be there to support them through it and show how to be true to yourself no matter what happens.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
