Thank you sotto and job, the jury is still definitely out for me, I certainly won't be rushing into anything and dealing with any red flags as they arise. H is also wanting this to go slowly so he can experience living life on his own, it something I have done and he hasn't, he needs to build a separate single life so that we can both bring something independant into a new relationship.
The s$x thing still sits with me but only time will tell if it becomes an issue, I suppose the trick is to not allow it to be an issue, that its within my control to forgive and forget - seeing as it sounds like a big let down ....literally ha ha .... it maybe easier for me to feel "better than her".
One interesting thing we did talk about was independance , the importance of being a You, Me, Us, which is something we lost in the past. Also he was worried that now I am independant and I don't feel I "need" a man, that I would not allow him to be a man - he said he wants me to allow him to be the man, open the jars of sauce for me, reach things off the top shelf, change the oil in the car lol. So I laughed and said I may not need a man, but I want a man. Plus I felt the same, I want to be treated like a woman; to be allowed to have pretty things around me (I had 3 males and lost the battle for nice things), I want to be told I look beautiful today- he coughed and said, "you would never accept a compliment before" - so I replied, "well that was the old me, the new me will never tire of being told how gorgeous I am" ..laughing ...
So this is not quite movie stuff - no big grand gestures, no begging for forgiveness and promises of undying love forever. It's all been more subtle and sort of just "happened".
I do know whatever happens that I will be ok. It will be painful if this does not work out, but I am in a stronger place this time. I also know that if its not right for me, then I can say that. For now, I just want to get this first meet over with, not let it to be heavy, just enjoy his company and be relaxed around him, laugh a lot and let him see a glimpse the new Lou.
