My wife left the house

[ILYNOT]

sInce it is in writing it can backfire on you in court.

Reading her text does make you seem pretty obsessive. I would back the F up and get a L immediately.

Only you can decide if you want a D or not.

She doesn't trust your actions and your unpredicatable behavior, how do you change the situation by simply doing nothing, give her time to breathe, she needs space, she and your D have been going through a lot, Im sure a few days at the shelter isn't as bad as you think.

PRAY FERVENTLY but leave them alone!

[Azzork]

well the only way to get 50/50 custody of my daughter is to file for D.

That sounds odd to me. Are you sure? Based on L's comments?

And i was following my wife, it was just in the moment and i wanted to find out where my kids were. Did i do wrong?

Yes. You acted out of feelings and emotions. Not logic. Following/stalking is a very gray area. You can't prove her feelings of fear for herself and kid are unfounded. So it becomes a game of he said/she said now. Good intentions don't clear bad actions.

[angel r]

all Im wondering is why would she feel exhausted, neglected , humiliated? I understand I didnt spend much time , and I dont really talk. But did she ever put herself in my shoes? How about when she would harass me to make more money, 60k a year wasnt cutting it for her expense. If i didnt find a better job or make something about it she would leave me. I had to get a second job in order to meet her needs. Of course i wont have time ! I am only human i get tired from working everyday of the week. What about when she would say me working didnt mean nothing because she had to tell me to do it? Thats not humiliation?

[Cadet]

How about when she would harass me to make more money, 60k a year wasnt cutting it for her expense.
If i didnt find a better job or make something about it she would leave me. I had to get a second job in order to meet her needs. Of course i wont have time ! I am only human i get tired from working everyday of the week. What about when she would say me working didnt mean nothing because she had to tell me to do it? Thats not humiliation?

Sounds kind of enabling to me.

Why do you feel the need to meet this NEED of hers?
What do YOU get out of it?

[angel r]

I just wanted to keep her happy, that was my main focus. She is my wife and I wanted the best for her. But then this happens, she leaves because i dont have communication with her and because i was never involved with family things. But yet she wanted me to make more money? Im so hurt right now.

[angel r]

I actually feel used like a rag doll, like a puppet

[ILYNOT]

Don't feel hurt, what is done is done.

Move forward. How?

By being the man she wants, understanding and patient.

Give her space and YOU do have the power to change things around by changing YOU.

Prayer sent!

[angel r]

But what do i change from me ? Thats where i dont know where to start ? I've been so nice and catered to everything she said. So i guess i should change and just be an ass hole. Sounds reasonable.

[Azzork]

But what do i change from me ? Thats where i dont know where to start ? I've been so nice and catered to everything she said. So i guess i should change and just be an ass hole. Sounds reasonable.

Youre missing the point. YOU think youve been "nice" and "catering". But, have you? Does everyone think that way...? It doesnt seem like it.

These are your wife's words:
"Listen I've asked you civilized and nicely I am not talking to you and also informed you that this relationship is over. You continue to send me emails and contact me and my family. And not only are we concerned but now I am afraid as well for my well being and my kids well being. I've told you time and time again there are consequences for your actions. If you realized 4 years later what was happening in our marriage or decided to just now "do your homework",as you called it in the email, then that's a consequence and a reality you now have to face. Just as I am facing my reality. In case you forgot I suggested counseling before which you didnt take serious, i suggested a retreat which you fell asleep in, i also suggested going to church and bible study which i ended up dragging you to. So i have tried, i have been humiliated, neglected, harrassed, and exhausted. You knew i didnt want a broken home and took advantage of that and thought id never leave, but i also have self respect . You initially asked to speak to the girls i allowed you because i am looking for the best interest in my girls and not long after you hung up with them you twist the truth and accuse me of being irrational and did not appreciate the fact that i set our problems aside so they can speak to you. Everyday its something different, one day im the bad one and im irrational and the next day you realized you were wrong. Due to your continuous change of attitude as well as the unhealthy ways you have been acting, like now going to the lengths of following me without me knowing, I have been professionally advised to not allow you to speak to the girls until this is cleared up. So please leave me alone because you are scaring me and stop contacting me most importanlty STOP following me. I am getting things resolved the girls are in the best place they can be for the time being. Thank you."

Those are not my words, but Ive bolded parts.

Lets investigate those parts more deeply. ESPECIALLY the parts in red. How did you contribute to that? How are you going to 180 that?

[WhyUs]

angel r,

Wow, you are in a tough spot. I would follow painters advice on the children. If you are going to get her respect you have to respect yourself first. You have to set boundaries. Taking your kids away is unacceptable. It is unhealthy for the children and for you. An L may be the route you have to go if she is unwilling to compromise. I would not beg her or try to convince her. She knows what she is doing. Tell her you want to see them. If the answer is no, then take action. Do not threaten her with the action, just do it. That is my advice, I'm not sure what others would say.

Listen to Sandi, do not put pressure on her. You are at a critical point in all of this. The sooner you start letting her know that you will be okay without her the sooner she will start reconsidering her decisions. I do not mean to let her know by telling her. You have to let her know by your actions.

I am sure you have read about GALing (Get a Life). Start doing that. Take care of yourself. You are starting an emotional roller coaster right now. Do not share your emotional moments with your wife. That will be a turn off. Remain upbeat and positive around her. Do not beg, plead, or cry around her. Look good when she see's you. See needs to see what she is missing. Again, do not attempt to tell her what she is missing. Just let her know you have you SHXT together by your actions.

Now, as for her attitude right now...man she seems like one demanding W. If she has always been like this I am not sure how you have been able to do it. She really needs a reality check. There are not many people out there that would put up with this. This will be something that will eventually have to be addressed. For now though you have to get her back to the table.