During our session last week, she dropped the "its done" bomb and said that we should only go to counselor to see how we can do what's best for the children. I was just as shocked as the counselor (more on this in a bit). I am so heartbroken and have tears in my eyes as I write this.
Last week - about Tues or Wed - we got into an argument about a certain ex-boyfriend of hers who she considers a friend and mentor who left a sexually oriented message on her social media site. I told her it was inappropriate and she blew it off as something he always did. She was upset that I didn't trust her enough to handle it. I told her that talking was OK, but what he did was over the line. Mind you, this guy lives several states over and I know that she hasnt seen him for over 10 years.
We were up late discussing this, to which she said shook her to her foundation and sent her brain racing (recall her issues I stated in previous posts). She stated things that there was so much about each others past that we did not know about - to which I asked, well why didn't we discuss it when we were dating? No valid reason. So here we are. On the edge of her filing. We hardly talk except about the kids or stuff. She still lives in the house, but that's it.
Now, before that happened, things really seemed on the up. Just the previous weekend she took me out on a date (September is take a man on a date month, haha) to which we had an awesome time - probably the best time in a very long time. She was touching me as she used to, up close, etc. Which is why her announcement came as a devastating shock to me.
Things just don't seem to add up. As I think back over this year, I can't see a valid reason for divorce. Not a single one. I say this because of the following: As I have stated before, the W and her sister are very, very close (they both went through all of that abuse together and only really had each other). Back in January of this year, the W's sister told her that she was getting a divorce. I would sit with the W on the couch while they were talking (which was a nightly thing then) about her problems. At the end of Jan, maybe early February, my wife tells me - no matter how bad things get, we will never get a divorce...NEVER. Hell, one of her reasons was about lack of intimacy - however, the last time we were intimate was just after Valentine's Day, and there wasn't any lacking in that department (I won't go into details)... Because of the problems/arguments that me and the SIL had, she started telling the W how bad I was (I saw the texts), bringing up our problems, talking about how the grass was greener, etc. I do have a feeling that she was pushing my W into divorce (misery loves company, you know). As you may recall, my wife has serious emotional issues ranging from panic attacks, anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts - and she is seeing therapists (two different ones) for those. In fact, I overheard her talking to her sister one day a month or so ago and she said "I had no idea I was so sad..." WTF does that mean?
So, we went from doing well to on the verge of filing. My heart is broken. She is going to her new base in a few months and wouldn't even consider us going with her. She tried to convince me that was best for the family. However, I do recall her saying right after the initial statement of divorce (maybe the next day) - "You can't tell me who can come see me" or something to that effect.
There are so many things that don't add up. From her declarations in January and February, to our dates, to now. So many inconsistencies. Which I truly wonder if the stress of her job - along with other factors - led her to mentally collapse and want to run. She did tell the counselor that she is famous for running when things got bad or if there were any problems.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
