Boundaries are to protect you! Not to punish or control her. How does her not going out at night protect you?
I think "No Contact" (NC) is a must and should be non-negotiable. PERIOD. If she is unwilling to do this, then you may not have a M to work on.
Implicit in "I will not live in a open marriage" is a condition: If you make our M open (i.e. have an A) then our M is over. It is to protect you - your beliefs and values about what a M is supposed to be - and it is enforceable: if she continues to be unfaithful, you will terminate the M. Are you willing to enforce it, though?
Right now, time is your ally. It is early in your sitch. you are still reeling. Read the books that Starsky suggested. the more you know, the stronger your backbone will be. It is still early in the process and you are trying to hold on to control. It is understandable. We all did this. But control of someone else is an illusion. That is why you can only work on yourself.
